Save You
by PeaceRoseG'ladheon
Summary: Three years after Dimitri has suddenly vanished from Court, he returns without warning, and he needs Rose now more than ever. Heartbroken, Rose tries desperately to help him any way she can. But she can tell he's hiding something. Something big.
1. Chapter 1

**This won't be a long story (I know, I know, I _always _say that) but I'm hoping to keep this one around 10 or less chapters.**

* * *

><p>Damn.<p>

I can feel the freezing water soak through my shoes and into my socks, my feet going numb from the chill. Damn. These things are leather, and will no doubt squeak everytime I take a step. I have to say, I miss my sneakers, but unfortunately, black dress shoes are part of my uniform. And unfortunately, again, I don't have time to change my shoes, even if I am off duty. I suppose I should get used to it - spring comes every year, and the snow has to melt sometime.

So I'm forced to simply shake off my pant leg and continue on my way, hating the sound of the soles of my loafers squishing under my feet. I enter the hospital, already knowing where my destination is, after I received a call from Christian.

There was an attack on a nearby location last month, and I had been spending the last two weeks organizing teams of Guardians. My reputation had slowly been building after everything that had happened three years ago, and I was _finally _starting to be accepted into society.

I entered the infirmary and, as expected, my shoes made a horrible sucking sound with every footstep. I already knew the room number, thank God for my pager, and immediately made my way to the second floor.

Lissa lies in bed, looking more pale than usual, but otherwise fine. She's already looking up when I enter, I'm sure she can hear me coming from a mile away.

"Vasilisa Dragomir," I sigh, shaking my head. "_What _am I going to do with you?"

She gives a small smile and pats her bedside. "Everyone's overreacting! I'm a little dehydrated, it's not a big deal! They can give me some water and I'll be fine! I didn't need to be _hospitalized!_"

I grin. Typical Lissa. She hadn't wanted it, but her role as Queen had quickly grown on her, and it was one she fit perfectly.

"I know, Liss, but you're the Queen, they just want to make sure you're fine. They'll keep you overnight and you'll be out by morning."

She huffs, but smiles once more, unable to remain annoyed.

"Do you want anything?" I ask. "Real food, maybe? This stuff is crap, believe me, I've practically grown up on infirmary food."

She laughed. "I'm fine. Just get some rest, okay? You've been working all day."

"And I'm off all weekend..."

"Christian's coming soon..."

I hold up my hands in a surrender. "Okay! Okay, you win, I'm gone!"

I bid my friend goodbye, and though I'll never admit it, I'm exhausted. I cannot wait to get out of my black jacket and trousers and slip into my sweatpants. Looks like it'll be mac and cheese for dinner, tonight.

But while I'm walking down the hall, I, surprise surprise, am not paying attention. So, while turning a rather sharp corner, I run straight into the chest of an extremely tall Moroi, who is toting an IV.

He grunts, so do I, and we both stagger back. While I recover quickly, the Moroi, looking quite sickly, is bent over at the waist, trying to regain his balance.

"Are you alright?" I gasp, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

I put my hand on his chest, noting that I can feel every bone in this man's poor body, and try to assist him in rising. He tries to wave me off, but I wrap my arms around his waist and gently lift him up. God, he couldn't of weighed any more than I did, and he had at least a foot of height on me.

Suddenly, his eyes lifted to mine, and he straightened, at least as much as he seemed to be able. But, he wasn't a Moroi at all. He was... Oh God...

Dimitri.

"Di..." I can't breathe, can't speak, can only stare into the dull eyes of the man I haven't seen in over three years. His face is pale, his frame has lost all trace of strength or muscle. He's practically a skeleton, and looks to have lost about 100 pounds.

"Rose!"

I spin quickly, Christian stalking down the hallway towards me. "Have you seen Lissa yet?" he calls.

I turn back around, ignoring him, but find Dimitri has disappeared entirely. "Rose?"

Christian's warm hand touches my shoulder. "Hey, Rose, are you alright?"

I swallow, nodding, staring into the space that Dimitri Belikov has seemingly vanished into.

* * *

><p>"Dimitri Belikov. B...E...L...I...K...O...V."<p>

The nurse pushes her thick, round glasses to the bridge of her nose and gazes down at her computer screen.

"Are you a friend of Mr. Belikov's?"

A complicated question, although I know there's no need or time to explain our history to this young woman.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm an old friend of his. Practically family." She nods, gives me the room number, and turns to assist another impatient visitor.

I can practically hear my heart echoing off of the cramped elevator space. What was Dimitri doing here? He had vanished, up and left, three years ago, without an explanation to where he was going, and if he would ever be back. And now, here he was, looking like hell, three years later, and no one knew of his return? Something was up.

Soon, I waltz in the door of the hospital room, my shoes still squishing with moisture. He doesn't blink, doesn't look up from his place on the bed.

"Shit," he mumbles softly.

Catiously, I move towards him, holding out my hands as if trying not to startle him.

"Dimitri," I say calmly. "How are you?"

Of all the things I could have said, this was the only thing that I could think of, and probably the most unintelligent.

He doesn't answer, just continues to look downwards, and I swear I can see his spine through the material of his shirt. I sit down next to him, taking his hands in mine, rubbing the paper-thin skin, avoiding the needle that attaches him to the IV. How odd it is, to be holding him, comforting him, after all this time. It's like we have picked up where we left off.

"Dimitri, what happened to you?"

He starts to tremble, but still doesn't answer, just grips my hand tighter, though I can tell his strength has been severely weakened. "Roza," he whispers.

And although it feels it's been an eternity, and things have obviously changed, I can still read him like a book. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, letting him sag into me, and I rub circles along his apparent spine and boney shoulder blades.

"I had to leave," he murmurs. "This is why I had to leave."

Even with no information whatsoever, I still feel tears build up in my eyes. "It doesn't matter, okay? Please, Dimitri, tell me what's going on..."

Suddenly, the doctor walks in, sees the two of us, clutching onto each other with desperation, and immediately pauses. "Should I come back later?" she asks.

Dimitri immediately straightens, trying to look composed. "No, it's alright. Rose was just leaving."

Knowing when I've been dismissed - I can tell this is no time to argue with him - I nod to him, the doctor, and leave the room. "Goodbye, Roza," he whispers, so brokenly, and I'm sure he's certain I'll never come back.

I can't leave now, though, so I end up pacing around the infirmary like a madman, hoping I've given the doctor enough time to speak with him, before heading up towards his room again.

"...stay in the hospital."

"As I've previously stated, that's not an option. I don't have the ability to pay for that."

"Well, perhaps you should check into a facility that will be able to provide you the care that you need."

"That's not an option, either."

"Perhaps a private nurse..."

"I don't have the ability to pay for these options, Dr. Walsh. I haven't worked for over three years, now. Not with my illness."

"Well, we cannot release you from your care until we set up a way for you to recieve care-"

"I cannot afford to stay here. We've already-"

"Well, Mr. Belikov, is there anyone who can provide care to you? As time progresses, you will not be able to continue on living independantly. You may need assistance just getting out of bed in the morning, and it will only get worse-"

"No, there's no one. There is no one that can provide care for me! I-"

"Well, Mr. Belikov, I suggest you begin to look into your options."

Pulling away from the doorway, I wait until the doctor is a fair distance down the hallway before slipping back into Dimitri's room. Despite his shaky farewell, he doesn't seem surprised to see me.

"How much of that did you hear, Rose?"

"Enough," I answer honestly. "Dimitri, I know it's none of my business, and I know that you have no obligation to tell me what's happening to you - I'm not asking - but please, if you need help, even if it's just a bit of money..."

He pinches the bridge of his nose, frustration setting in. "No, Rose. It's not just a_ little bit_ of money, it's a lot of money. You don't understand, this could take months, even a _year. _Maybe more. Care facilities are expensive, especially ones in Court. And I can't very well go to a human hospital."

"Dimitri, look, Lissa pays me well, and what the hell am I going to spend the money on? I eat instant noodles every night and wear a uniform to work every day. I've already got a lot saved up, and every month-"

"I'm not taking your money, Rose! I'm not going to let you pay for all of my expenses. I..."

I can tell he's getting a headache, the same ones he'd get at the academy when I was causing a great deal of stress.

"Well, you can't afford to stay here, Dimitri! Why don't we call it a loan? You can get the care you need, and then, when you're able to start paying it back..."

"Don't you get it?" he cries. "You won't ever get that money back! I'm _dying, _Rose! I'll never be able to work again! It's hopeless! I've seen enough doctors. There is no possibility that I can recover!"

Although I should have seen it coming, I still feel a horrible blow to my gut. _Dying... _I keep the tears from spilling from my eyes. I have to be strong. The last thing poor Dimitri needs is for me to fall apart at a time like this. I push the thought away, and focus on him.

"Lissa..."

"No. The Princess cannot heal me. This isn't a sickness, Rose, at least not one that can be healed. Forget it."

His face is buried in his hands, and he doesn't respond when I soothingly rub his back. "Dimitri, you _need _care. You need help. No matter how much it hurts your pride, you need help. Please, just let me help you."

"I don't deserve anything from you, after what I've done."

I sigh. We were never going to get over this. "The past is the past, Dimitri. What if... what if I told the doctor that _I _was going to take care of you? You could get a place in Court, live by yourself, and I could just check on you every once in a while, make sure you're doing alright..."

I expect him to fight, to yell again, to jump and and distance himself, but he only gives a shaky sigh. "I suppose that's about the best I can hope for, isn't it?"

I nod. Just as he's about to open his mouth, to tell me something I'm sure is vitally important, the arrogant doctor returns.

"Well? Have you made arrangements?"

Nodding, though not with ease, Dimitri nods, and pats my hand. "Yes. Rose... Rose is going to take care of me."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that's the end of chapter 1.<strong>

**Side note, this is an angsty fanfic, but it's not a tragedy, and definitely won't end that way. :)**

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

He opens the door for me, and I squeeze into the tiny apartment.

"This is where you've been living?" I ask, trying to keep the surprise from my voice. The single bed is pushed up against the wall, the only seating in the entire place. There's an incredibly cramped kitchenette shoved into the corner, and a closet-sized bathroom.

"Well, when you've been too sick to work for the past three years, and you have to pay for constant medical bills, you can't exactly rent a place where the Queen's guardians reside."

I ignore his biting tone - Dimitri had a need to take care of himself, and it was hard for him to admit that he needed help. I set his bag on the bed.

"Do you need help unpacking?" I ask awkwardly. I haven't seen him in over three years, after he disappeared and broke my heart. How could we ever get over that?

"I'll be alright."

"What about dinner? Do you want me to-"

"Rose, I'm fine. I can handle it. I've been doing this for awhile, now," he says gruffly. I hold up my hands in defense, noting how he runs his boney fingers through his dull hair.

"Alright. I guess I'll go than. I'll check on you tomorrow evening after work..."

"That's not neccessary."

I sigh, I'm not going to argue with him when he's being stubborn. If he wants help, he'll have to ask for it.

"Fine. If you need me, text me or something. "I'll see you later..." I say hurridly, and rush from the run-down apartment, not looking back.

* * *

><p>"So he's living in Court?"<p>

I sigh, holding tightly to my paper cup of hot chocolate, Lissa sitting across from me. I've told her about my encounter with Dimitri a couple days ago, leaving out any medical details.

"Yeah. Please, don't go looking for him. He wouldn't want anyone to know-"

"Of course not!" she assures. "So he's living on the East side of Court? Those aren't nice buildings, or a nice area. That can't be good for his health."

I shake my head. "It's in a horrible area. It's a long walk to the infirmary, and anywhere else in Court, it'll feel longer if he's sick. Besides, the whole building was in terrible condition. The whole thing is musty, probably infested with mold."

Lissa shakes her head, sadness weighing heavily on her features. "And there's nothing I can do?"

"No. I practically had to force him into this arrangement. I offered to pay for his care, but he flat out refused. He _needs _help, but he's too proud to admit it. I don't know how he's going to live alone, Liss, you should have seen him. He looked like a Moroi he was so thin and pale."

Lissa wipes her eyes, her own face pale, her eyes and nose red. "I hope he's alright..." she whispers, and I nearly burst into tears. No, no he's not alright. He's dying. The first man I loved, the man I gave myself to, the man I nearly died to save, was dying. I was okay letting him go, we had already grown so distant by the time he left. But knowing that he would be gone forever, _that _I couldn't take.

"I hope so, too, Lissa," I say, plastering a fake smile onto my face. "I hope so, too."

"Well, if you need to take some time off to care for him, feel free. You're doing a good thing."

I smile, but still have a heavy feeling inside. Because I'm _trying _to do a good thing, to help him, but I'm failing.

* * *

><p>Despite Dimitri's wishes, I do check on him several days later. Although it's only six in the evening, I can tell I've woken him. The last time I roused him from his sleep, it had been the night of the lust charm, and he had been shirtless, with just a pair of flannel pajama bottoms covering him.<p>

Now, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, along with his bottoms. His once-fitted t-shirt now hung loosely on his frame, and the dark circles beneath his eyes stood starkly against his pale skin.

He sighs upon seeing me. "What is it, Rose?"

I frown at his irritated tone. "Drop it, Dimitri, stop acting like I'm some annoying pest. I told you that if you weren't going to let me help you with the medical bills, you were going to live at home and I would check on you. You agreed to it, so stop treating me like I'm causing you some great inconvienence, alright?"

The annoyed look on his face never fades, but he swings upon the door, raising a brow, looking at me expectantly.

I square my shoulders, and walked into the room. I assess his bed, check his bathroom, and begin to dig through his cupboards.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Refusing to turn to face him, I move to the refridgerator. "I'm checking on you."

"By raiding my kitchen?"

God, he's so...

This time, I do spin. "No, Dimitri. As time goes on, this is just going to get harder and harder for you. How are you going to get out of bed by yourself? Bathe yourself? You barely have enough food to last you this week, Dimitri. How are you going to be able to get groceries? If you're going to keep being an ass, fine. But a deal's a deal, and if you think this obnoxious behaviour is going to make me leave you alone, then you're wrong. So fine, just be bitter, but can you just shut the hell up long enough for me to help you help yourself?"

He grits his jaw, but eventually, he nods, though he doesn't look happy about it. "Fine. Do whatever you want to my apartment. Now, will you please leave?"

With a snort, I say, "Be glad to."

I slam the door behind me, rolling my eyes. Dimtiri had always been antisocial, but I was starting to see how easy it could be for him to push everyone away.

So how could I still miss him?


	3. Chapter 3

With one last rotation of the screwdriver, the stupid thing is finally installed.

I get up from my kneeling position on the bathroom floor, having previously installed a metal bar in the bathtub, used as an assist for getting in or out. I've also put a mat at the bottom, to prevent slips or falls. Dimitri watches from the doorway with disinterest.

"There, at least this will help you get in and out of the bathtub on your own."

He sighs. "Once again, thank you, Rose." His voice is saturated with sarcasm, and he turns away from the doorway and slowly makes his way towards his lumpy mattress. It's too low for my liking, he'll struggle to get up as his illness progresses, but he's a stubborn man.

I've already installed several of these bars around the house, close to the toilet, his bed, the bathtub, and just along the wall towards the kitchen. He's not impressed, but doesn't fight me about it. I think he just wants me to shut up, so he remains silent. At least this way, I won't pester him.

"Alright, so I got you a ton of canned fruits and vegetables, just in case there's a day when you're too tired to get to the grocery store. There electric can opener is on the counter, I know your hands aren't as strong as they used to be..."

"I can open a damn can, Rose. I'm fine."

I roll my eyes, but nod anyways. "Yeah. _Now."_

"God, Rose, would you relax? I can take care of myself. I haven't had someone hover over me like this since I was a child!"

"You're _acting _like a child! _'I can take care of myself. I'm not a child, Rose!' _God, Dimitri, would you just shut up and let someone look after you for once in your life?"

"I've been doing this for three years, Rose. No one was taking care of me when I was going through this. No one was taking care of me when they told me I was dying."

"You had friends here, Dimitri, there were a ton of people who cared for you, and you left it all behind. You could have had all the support you needed."

"I couldn't stay! You have no idea what's happening to me, Rose! You'd never talk to me again!"

I growl in anger. "You have no idea, Dimitri, what my reaction would be. Don't you _dare _assume that I would hold your own illness against you. _Dying, _Dimitri, is a word, it doesn't have to be a sentence. It doesn't define you."

He runs his thin fingers through his scraggly hair, annoyed. "Just leave me alone, Rose. I don't have to have you look after me like I could drop dead any second."

"Don't talk like that! You seem to forget you still have a long way to go before this is over."

"Not if I end it first," he remarks, sipping his cup of coffee.

I spin quickly, and the look of horror on my features must have given him some indication as to what I was thinking.

"It was a joke."

"It's not funny," I snap, jerking the mug from his hands and pouring the coffee down the sink. "That stuff is not healthy for you. Get some sleep," I snarl, before slamming the door behind me.

Ass.

* * *

><p>I try to avoid shifting my weight back and forth. This is what I hate about being a Guardian.<p>

Standing around.

Queen Vasilisa is currently meeting with several of Lords of the royal families. I cannot remember what the meeting is about, but I stand watch, tuning out any of the words they speak, my mind wandering to Dimitri. Damn it, I hate that.

It's been about a month since I've seen him, I try not to think about him, anyways.

It hurts too much.

No, I don't want to see him, I'm angry as hell, but I'm worried that I haven't heard from him, so I vow to stop by his apartment this evening, even if he does yell at me.

My feet are killing me, and Dimitri's apartment is on the other side of Court, and I'm tempted to just save it for another day. It seems like a long hike, especially since it's pouring outside, just to have Dimitri tell me he's fine and slam the door in my face. But, my worry for him overpowers my annoyance, so I make the treck anyways.

On my way home, I stop at the grocery store, picking up a few fresh items for him, although he'll never thank me for it. But as soon as I reach the door of Dimitri's disgusting apartment building, I have a _feeling, _deep in my gut, that something's terribly wrong.

Balancing the bags of groceries, I knock on the door once, twice, five times, and still don't receive an answer. "Dimitri? God, Dimitri I know you're in there! Open the door!"

I don't hear footsteps, even a shift of movement, but I hear his croaking voice call out weakly.

"Rose?"

"Dimitri?" I cry, my voice getting high with panic. "Open the door!"

Silence. Then, "I can't, Rose."

I try to tell myself that I'm being overdramatic, that Dimitri just doesn't want to see me, that he's being stubborn. He's Dimitri, after all. But as the seconds pass, I can take it no longer.

"Dimitri?"

No answer.

I set the bags of bread and vegetables on the ground, and then, tensing my body, slam my foot into the lock repeatedly, until the wood splits, the lock giving way, and the door creaking open.

It's so dark that not even my Dhampir eyes can detect anything clearly. Although, threw the flash of lightening every few moments, I can see his form, on the bed, trembling.

I switch on the light, but the damn thing flickers and buzzes, illuminating his terrible apartment only half of the time.

"Dimitri?" I move towards the bed, shaking myself, until I am able to see his tense body. I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, turning him over so I can see his face.

Oh God. His brow is moist with sweat, his skin so pale, he nearly blends into the sheets. He is shivering furiously, tears streaming down his face.

"R... Rose." His voice is so ragged, it sounds as though he hasn't had anything to drink in days. I run over to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water. To my disgust, the taps only spurt out a beige, foggy liquid. Desperately, I dig into my bag, pulling out a water bottle. I press the lid between his lips, and lift his head, allowing him to swallow deeply.

He groans, letting me know he's finished, and I throw the water bottle back into my bag. "Dimitri, God, are you alright?"

He shakes his head furiously, well, as furiously as his weakened state would allow.

"Can I help you with anything?"

He reaches up from his position, head cradled in my lap, and grabs the front of my Guardian's blazer, gripping it in his shaky hands. "Rose, please, you need to help me. Please, I need to get out of bed."

I immediately nod, and carefully assist him in rising from his bed. It's not hard, he's lost an enormous amount of weight.

Once he is raised into sitting position, he begs me to find his shoes.

"Where are we going?"

"Out," he croaks, and I lift the water bottle to his lips once more, knowing he's desperately dehydrated. How long has he been lying there, unable to get up?

I slip each foot into his leather boots, and pull his duster over his thin, trembling frame. With a great tug, I lift him onto his feet. He stumbles, but wraps his arms around my neck, steadying himself. I follow his lead, allowing him to urge me out the door of his apartment. The elevator is old and broken down, so we're forced to take the steps, and by the time we reach the bottom of the staircase, he's already completely exhausted, leaning even more heavily on me for support.

"Dimitri, I don't think is a good idea-"

"Rose, please. _Please. _I need this." His voice is so pleading and desperate that I nearly burst into tears.

I swallow the thickness in my throat and nod. "Okay, alright. Where are we going?"

He doesn't reply, just continues to stagger off in some unknown direction. Every once in a while, he'll stumble, though I'll catch him, and he'll hold onto me a bit tighter.

It's only when we start heading towards the common area, and away from the infirmary, that I really begin to get worried.

Dimitri, where are we going?"

He doesn't answer, just leads me into one of the main buildings at Court, and down a spiral staircase. It's a grand room, with high ceilings and marble floors, an enormous granite reception desk sitting in the corner. Staggering up to the desk, Dimitri slowly releases me, transferring his weight onto the smooth stone. Although he tries not to depend on me, I still hold onto his hips, wrapping one arm across his waist.

Coughing, Dimitri croaks, "Dimitri Belikov."

The receptionist looks up from her rectangular glasses. "I'm sorry, sir, we're closed for the evening."

He groans, and leans farther back against me. "Please, you don't understand, I haven't... it's been a couple of weeks."

Her eyes widen in shock, and almost..._horror, _and she hurridly nods. "I'll see what I can do. Please, take a seat while you wait."

Shaking, Dimtri slowly turns, elbows on the desk, supporting himself, and shifts his weight back onto me, his arms wrapping around my neck.

I lead him over to one of the plush, velvet sofas. He sinks into the cushions, and allows me to sit beside him, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Dimitri? _What _the hell is going on?"

He shakes his head, clearing his dry throat, and I quickly dig the water bottle out of my beg again and allow him to drink. "Are you alright? Does anything hurt? Are you in pain?"

Nodding, Dimitri grips my hand. "My back, my head, my throat, my legs, my stomach. God, everything hurts."

"Do you have any pain medication I can give you?"

He shakes his head. "I got a prescription from the doctor, but I can't afford it."

A tears leaks from the corner of my eye, and I quickly wipe it away. "Dimitri, how long had you been laying there? Before I got to you?"

"I'm not sure," he whispers. "A couple of days?"

I'm about to speak, to utter my apologies for abandoning him, but the next words spoken make the breath rush from my lungs.

"Dimitri Belikov? The feeder will see you now."

* * *

><p><strong>Dun duh duh...<strong>

**So, I know this plot is getting rolling early, but I am planning on making this a shorter story, in my defense :)**

**Please review, guys!**


	4. Chapter 4

I pace, back and forth, furiously, nearly wearing a hole into the polished marble. It doesn't take long for a vampire to feed, only fifteen or twenty minutes - if that is indeed what Dimitri is doing in there - but every second that ticks by seems to be an eternity.

What the hell was wrong with him? He was a dhampir, I was sure of it... At least, he had been a dhampir after he had been turned back from his strigoi form. My head was swimming in confusion. What was wrong with him? Is this why he was dying?

Despite my estimated time frame for feeding, the attendant appears after only five long minutes, wheeling Dimitri out into the waiting room. His eyes search the area, and upon locating me, he immediately looks down into his shaking hands, avoiding my gaze, distancing himself once more.

I frown.

Pushing off of the couch, I thank the woman for keeping the clinic open for us, and grab the handles of the wheelchair. It is only when the elevator doors slide shut that Dimitri speaks. He's still trembling, and still refuses to meet my eye.

"You stayed."

His pained tone tugs on my heart, and despite the past few months of stress and anger that he has caused me, I realize I really will do anything to help him.

"Of course I stayed. I told you I was going to take care of you. What made you think I'd leave?" I kneel beside him, resting my hands on the arm of the wheelchair.

"Thought the reason was obvious," he murmured, his vision still focused on his hands.

With a sigh, I gently rest my palm against his shoulder, trying to rub soothingly with my fingers. "Dimitri, please, I _need _to know what's going on. I know it has nothing to do with me, but if I'm going to take care of you-"

"Alright," he says firmly, strongly. "Alright. But not here."

His promise alone lifts a weight from my shoulders. I'll _know. _I'll know what's been plaguing him all of this time. With a small smile, I rise from my crouched position at his side, kissing his temple on the way up. Perhaps not the most appropriate move, considering our history, but I had told Dimitri that history didn't matter.

On the night he had disappeared, I had been in the cafe with Lissa. Yes, Dimitri had helped me escape from prison, but he had immediately distanced himself. I barely spoke to him during that time, and when we finally found Jill, he just pulled away further. Several weeks after Tasha was convicted, we discovered that Dimitri had left Court, with no given reason. Although at that point, I wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't been told, I hadn't seem him since Tasha shot me.

But just because I hadn't seen him, didn't mean I didn't care.

I cared a lot, but he didn't allow me the chance to care for him, to comfort him. So even though he had broken my heart, hurt me, I suppose I felt the need to make up for it.

So when the elevator doors slid open, I wheeled Dimitri out, helped him out of his chair, and deposited the wheelchair in the designated area, telling myself that if he was going to get worse, than I was going to have to get him his own wheelchair, though I know he'd protest.

With his arm gripping my shoulder, he was able to make it across Court, up the stairs, and towards his apartment. It's a long distance, especially with Dimitri so weak, and he's perspiring with just effort.

But we manage to stumble up the stairs together, and I can sense the relief in Dimitri as we get closer and closer, as he begins to pick up his pace.

Finally, we reach the top of the staircase, and we both skid to a hault. We had closed the door to his apartment, but on my desperation to get inside earlier tonight, I had broken the lock.

The door was now currently ajar, and one nudge from my foot revealed Dimitri's ransacked apartment. The thing had been gutted, although Dimitri had nothing valuable inside, except a small, staticy television.

Dimitri and I exchanged a glance - we both knew his apartment was in a terrible location, but I had been so focused on protecting him from the dangers _inside _the room, I hadn't even considered the outside forces at work.

So without stopping to hesitate, I let Dimitri rest on the bed, while I found his old gym bag in the bottom of his cramped closet and began to fill it with his clothes, and anything else that might have been useful.

He watched me scurry around the apartment, sometimes with interest, often with an exhausted, glazed expression.

"What are you doing?" he murmurs finally, when I begin to throw in his toothbrush.

"Packing your stuff," I reply, moving on to his dresser drawers.

"Why?"

I sigh. "Because your sure as hell not staying in a room without a lock, if this is what happened to your place."

"Rose, we talked about this-"

"Dimitri, _my _apartment is closer to downtown Court, closer to where I work, closer to the infirmary, _and _the feeders." He flinches. "It's also got a working elevator, and is constantly monitored. It has security, Dimitri. I know you're a stubborn ass, but I don't want have to knock down your door everytime I need to get you a glass a water!"

I empty out the top drawer, then move downwards. "Rose-"

I slide open the drawer, only to see it was filled with his boxers and socks, all neatly rolled and stacked. I pause.

"I'll do it," he says gruffly, rolling his eyes. I pull him from the bed, and he begins to empty the drawer into the duffle bag. After we clean out his apartment, I throw the bag over my shoulder.

We take the steps one at a time, me inching down backwards, Dimitri's hands resting on my shoulders, as he slowly descends after me.

"This is pathetic," he complains. "I can't even use the stairs without assistance. I'm twenty-eight years old, and I feel like I'm one hundred."

"You know what's pathetic?" I whisper. "That everything you own fits into a single duffle bag. Get some clothes, Belikov."

The corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. _A smile. _How long has it been since I've seen his smile? His face is thinner, his skin seems to stretch across his cheekbones, but it's still a beautiful thing.

When his shaking feet touch the last step, he sighs in relief, leaning his weight heavily onto me.

"You know, that elevator is starting to look more and more appealing..."

This time, it's my turn to smile. "Agreed."

I can tell Dimitri's legs are aching, and that he needs rest more than anything. The elevator ride seems long, as he leans against the wall, looking as though he is going to collapse.

Digging the electric keycard out of my pocket, I nearly drag Dimitri into my own apartment.

I help him over to the couch, letting him settle for a moment while I run into the bedroom, throwing the duffle bag onto the bed. When I return to the living room, I can see that Dimitri looks uncomfortable, perched upon the sofa, his whole body tense.

I grab him a glass of water from the kitchen, watching as he drinks the entire thing, before grabbing him another one. After being unable to rise from his own bed for several days, he was extremely dehydrated and weak. And probably starving.

"Do you want something to eat?" I ask. "You haven't eaten in days."

He shakes his head. "I'm alright."

I'm taken aback. He doesn't have an appetite, even after being unable to eat for so long? Something's wrong, terribly wrong. With a nod of acceptance, I decide to show Dimitri around his new home.

"Okay, so, your bedroom's on the left, and mine is on the right. The door in the middle is the washroom, and it's shared between us," I explain, pointing down the hall. "I guess the rest is pretty self-explanitory. Kitchen's over there, the living room is there. There's a deck right outside, if you were wanting some fresh air."

Wide-eyed, Dimitri just nods at my directions, turning his head to take in each room.

"Rose, you've got... your apartment... it's... wow."

I smile, a little embarrassed. Lissa had gone above and beyond while trying to find an apartment for me. I told her I was fine living in the Dhampir buildings, where most of the Guardians reside. But she had scouted out homes on the more high-class end of Court, and had found this one.

Soft, rich carpet greets the front entrance, eventually fading into polished wooden floors. The tiled kitchen looks out into the open living room, where sunlight streams in from the glass-windowed walls, to which a sliding door leads to the deck. The furniture is clean-cut and modern, all in soft beiges and whites, the whole thing giving off an _interior decorating magazine _vibe.

It was far too sophistiated in her point of view, far too luxurious for me, but I knew Lissa had felt guilty after our plans for living together had fallen apart when she moved in with Christian. Because of this, I had ended up with this beautiful place, an apartment that even I was almost uncomfortable living in.

My apartment was anyone's dream house, but it wasn't a home.

"Thanks," I breathe awkwardly. "Well, I figured it would be a lot better than _your _apartment. It doesn't have any stairs, it's an open concept, so if you need to use your wheelchair, you'll have lots of room. Besides, it doesn't have mold growing out of the walls," I tease, trying to make a point.

Dimitri sighs, running his thin fingers through his stringy hair. "Okay, Rose, I know you're right. Your apartment is beautiful, mine wouldn't even pass a health inspection." His tone is defeated, and I can tell I might have insulted him.

"I can show you to your room, if you'd like." I allow him to slide his arm around my shoulder, and lead him towards the guest bedroom, where I've deposited his clothes.

It's a simple room, with beige walls and dark wooded furniture. A little stark, but not barren.

"Well, this is it. There's a television in the cabinet, if you get bored, I'll put the remote control on the bedside table. I'll have to get you one with drawers, so you can put your books and things in that you need, so you don't need to get out of bed. Bathroom's through that door."

Limping, Dimitri manages to make it to the mattress, collapsing down onto the bed. He seems to test it, pressing down into the soft material with his hands, a puzzled look on his face.

"Is something wrong?" I ask. "Is it not comfortable? If you don't like the mattress, we can find you another-"

"No!" He cries suddenly, breaking his quiet demeanor. "No, Rose, please, this is fine. I assure you. It's more than twice the size of the mattress in my apartment, and it feels a lot less like concrete. It's perfect, Rose, please, you don't need to do anything."

My eyes widen in surprise at his outburst, he seems so desperate. "Okay... Alright."

He sighed, seemingly in relief, and sinks further into the plush mattress. I immediately crouch down, pulling off each leather boot before setting them in the closet. Dimitri watches me lazily, too tired to move, and slowly begins to tug at the buttons on his leather coat.

Trembling in exhaustion, Dimitri cannot close his fingers around the metal buttons, and I gently move to help him, assisting him in sliding off his duster and hanging it in the closet. Pulling him up from the bed, he uses me as balance to make his way over to the bathroom. I hand him his nightclothes, and he disappears inside.

I start to unpack for him, listening to the sound of the sink turning on and off. Dimitri emerges from the bathroom, appearing shy, even bashful, and I hurry to his side to assist him.

Helping him crawl into bed, I pull the covers over his thin frame, letting him settle. "Is the pillow alright? Is it comfortable?" I ask, arranging the blankets around him.

"Rose, I'm fine! Please, this is great, I'm more comfortable than I have been in a long time, I promise you."

I smile, relieved to see his pain is eased. Even if it's the least I can do, Dimitri should, at minimum, have comfort if he's been robbed of his health.

"Dimitri, are you going to tell me about what happened tonight? What's been happening for the past three years?"

His defeated sigh gives me my answer.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that's it for chapter 4! I know this is a horrible ending, but from the way things have been going, you won't have to wait long :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

I've fetched him a glass of water, assisting him into sitting position, and tip the glass to his lips.

The air around us is void of all sound, save for the rotating fan over our heads and Dimitri's shuddering breath. He licks his lips and clears his dry throat, refusing to meet my gaze. Catiously, I sit at the end of the bed, pulling back the covers, and set Dimitri's cold feet in my lap. Without a word, I press my thumbs into the arch of his foot, rubbing gently.

He gives a soft moan and sinks further into the soft mattress, closing his eyes, his breathing initially picking up, than slowly relaxing. I'm afraid to break this comfort - he hasn't looked as... at peace since I had seen him before he was turned, although there was still an underlying burden that he held in his body.

Quietly, I nearly whisper, "So, are you going to tell me what's happening to you?" With a sigh, eyes still shut, he nods.

"Alright."

I gently work my way up to his calves, massaging the thin limb. His expression softens again, and his head falls back against the pillow.

"I... I guess there's no reason to hide it any longer, after what you saw this evening. I apologize for hiding it from you, but I thought... well, I thought that surely you wouldn't be here, caring for me, if you saw... what you just saw..."

He's rambling, stalling, and we both know it. I press a little more firmly into his pale, gauzy skin, not enough to cause him discomfort, but just enough to bring him back to his train of thought.

"I don't really have an explanation, Rose. It was after I turned back that I realized..." Something between a sob and a laugh choked from his lips. "...I was thirsty, all of the time, no matter how much I drank. My teeth were sore, aching, and it kept me awake at night, when my nightmares weren't the reason for my insomnia. It was like..."

His eyes flutter open, tears staining the lashes.

"...It was like I was strigoi again. But with the guilt."

This time he does laugh, as if he has just relived some internal joke, but the sound is cold and humourless.

"So I went to the feeders. Just... just to see." He runs his thin fingers through his hair. "Well, I guess my... _instinct _took over, or... something did, at least, but I ended up booking an appointment and..."

From Dimitri's start-and-stop form of speaking, I can tell he's nervous. Though, what he's nervous about, I can't be sure. Hell, if I wasn't going to stick by him no matter what, doesn't he think I would have left ages ago? I try to encourage him, catching his eye, nodding warmly, but it still takes him a few moments to answer.

"And my thirst went away. The ache in my teeth was soothed."

He doesn't offer any more information, just stays silent, as if hesitant to supply anything further. He's afraid to trust me, afraid to let me in. I run my hands from the bottom of his foot to his kneecap, and then moved onto his other leg - I wasn't going anywhere. This seemed to give him a bit of security, but I decided to continue the conversation.

"So, that's it, then? All I need to do is make sure you can get to the feeders everyday? I can do that..."

He shakes his head. "I don't need to feed everyday. It's not like the Moroi, I can easily go three days without feeling any... _thirst._"

I nod with understanding, though choose not to say anything, not wanting to sound condescending.

"Just, every week. Once a week."

I nod again, but can't help but feel that our coversation is once again slowing as Dimitri drags his heels in revealing information to me.

"Does the feeding relate? To your health, I mean."

"Have you ever bit your tongue?" he asks suddenly, and it takes me a moment to respond, too shocked by the change of topic.

"Bit my...? Yes..." I stutter, stumbling through the sentence.

"Hard enough to draw blood?"

Oh. "Yes," I reply, rubbing my thumb into his thin ankle.

"And...?"

I'm getting frustrated at this seemingly unrelated subject. I wanted to demand an answer from him, but knew better than to push him. He had to do this at his own pace.

"And... It's not pleasant? Hurts like hell, tastes disgusting, like copper and...?" I sigh. "I don't know. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

He seems a little put-off by my irritated tone, but reluctantly continues. "Yes, it tastes '_disgusting_'. But not to a Moroi."

Beating around the bush has never been part of Dimitri's character, and I can't help but wonder he's hinting at.

"But we're not Moroi," I say slowly, trying to follow his trail. "We're dhampirs."

"Exactly!" he cries. "I'm still a dhampir. I get nauseous around the _smell _of feeders, not to mention actually drinking blood. It's not... _natural _for dhampirs to drink blood. My body seems to reject it."

By this point, my head is pounding. He craves blood, but it makes him physically ill to drink it? God, I feel like I could use something to drink.

"But how is that leading to your death? How is this killing you?" I question, knowing my headache is just going to get worse with any new information.

Dimitri sighs, clapping his hand over his eyes, just as infuriated as I am, it seems. "It's not. Not really, I suppose. Drinking blood makes me nauseous - extremely ill. I feel as though I'll vomit everytime I go to the feeders. Drinking enough to satisfy my thirst will make me vomit, so I can't get enough blood to actually... It's impossible for me to drink the amount of blood that my body needs to function without making me ill."

"Is that why..." tears now sting my eyes. "Is that why you're losing so much weight? Why you _look _so unhealthy?"

His eyes have drifted towards me, calculating, watching my every action, my every response to his words. "I get ill for days, after I feed. I can't eat, I'm too nauseous. My _illness_ is a combination between malnurishment and a lack of blood. I get feed, because I get sick, I can't eat because I've fed."

He gives a bitter laugh, one that sends shivers down my spine.

"Do you see, _Roza?" _he asks mockingly. "Do you see what you got yourself into? Caring for the man that's still half-strigoi? I look like a dhampir, but I've still got the _vile, dispicable _craving for blood? I'm still a monster, Rose. It's still part of me."

Tears now spill down my cheeks, there's no holding back. "That's why you left, isn't it? You thought you'd be rejected because of what was happening to you. Something you couldn't control."

"No one knew!" he cries, sitting up fully on the mattress, though he doesn't have the strength to rise any further. "No one knew what was happening to me, about my need for blood, and people still treated me as though I was going to kill them and turn them strigoi. Imagine what they would have done if they'd known... I couldn't handle any more rejection, Rose, especially from you."

Although tears are still streaming down my face, I feel anger boil up inside me. How dare he?

"Me? You think that I would have rejected you? Dimitri, you just told me everything, and I'm still here! You've confronted me about everything that's been going on with you, what's _killing _you, and _I'm still here! _What in God's name makes you think that I would have disappeared all those years ago, if I'm still here now?"

All of the tension I had just rubbed from his aching legs returned, and he kicked his feet away from me, scrambling out of my reach.

"Because of what I did to you! I used you! I was a monster, as a strigoi! I dangled sex and power in front of you, used your love against you, like you were some damned blood whore for me to play with! I hurt you, and even after you saved me, after you brought me back, I still hadn't changed. I still needed blood. That monster is still a part of me. How could you possibly be with me, with that kind of burden hanging over our heads?"

"And how could you possibly judge me, after everything I've done? If what happened between us in Russia was really such an issue for me, do you think I would have tried to find a way to save your soul? Don't you think it would have been easier to just kill you and mourn your memory? I missed your soul, Dimitri, I loved your soul, not whether or not you needed to drink blood!"

Had I any less self control, I would have stormed from the room in a fury, angry and irrational, and wouldn't have returned until morning. But I knew Dimitri needed me, needed me to be there for him, needed to know that I _wouldn't _leave. Storming from the room would almost certainly ruin the trust I had created.

So, I force back my rage and root myself to the end of his bed, determined to finish this conversation. Dimitri doesn't answer my outburst, just remains silent, a tear leaking from the corner of his eye.

Tears were clouding my own vision, and I stared into my lap, feeling the cool drops of water hit my palms.

He cups my cheek, gently, smoothly, sliding his hand from my chin to my jaw. His forehead tilts against mine, and our lips are only a breath away.

"Please," he whispers, his voice no more than a soft breeze against my skin. "I'm not asking for your pity. I'm not asking for your support, your help, your _money, _your care. God knows I don't deserve any of it. I'm asking for your forgiveness, Rose. I can't do... _this... _without knowing that we can both move on from what happened in Russia. Not forget, just... heal."

I smile despite myself, and nod whole-heartedly, tears streaming down my face.

"Forgive?" I whisper, brushing his damp cheek with the pad of my thumb.

"I can do that."

* * *

><p><strong>Not the best chapter, but neccessary. <strong>

**Well, after a rather threatening PM from a reader, I decided that I should better hurry up and update. ;D So thank you, I suppose, for your motivation.**

**Please review, leave your comments and opinions on what you want to see!**

**-PRG**


	6. Chapter 6

The second the front door latches shut, I can _feel _the solemn presense of the apartment. Nothing has changed - everything is exactly how I have left it that morning, not a sound can be heard in the place. Perhaps that is what worried me. After an extended pause, I hear a broken,

"Rose?"

I shed my Guardian's blazer and polished shoes on my way to Dimitri's bedroom. Formerly the _guest _bedroom, Dimitri had been here for weeks now; it was his home as much as mine.

I knock impatiently at the door, waiting until I hear a weak, "Come in," before throwing open the door to the room.

The whole place is hot and humid, the air settling heavily upon my skin. Dimitri is covered in a thin sheet of perspiration, laying motionless in bed, though his glazed eyes watch as I move from the doorway to the window, sliding the glass open to let some of the cool air in. Autumn was already starting to fall, and the chilled wind floated into the room.

I immediately make my way over to Dimitri, picking up the water bottle from his bedside table and tilting it to his lips, letting him drink greedily.

"Bad day, today?" I ask, sweeping his damp hair from his forehead with my fingertips. He nods, and I sigh. "You were having such a good week," I mumble, more to myself than to him, as he knows better than I do.

He was, after all, having a good week, before this day ruined his streak. He had been fluccuating between highs and lows. However, as time went on and his illness progressed, he became less and less productive on his "good" days, and his "bad" days seemed to effect him more and more, and even left him sleeping in until late morning.

All this week, he had been able to get himself out of bed, even getting up to greet me in the early hours of my Guardian's work schedule, cup of coffee in hand. But today, it was evident he wasn't able to rise by himself.

The guilt was starting to take it's toll on me. I was gone so long during the day that Dimitri was forced to remain trapped in bed for countless hours, and his health was only suffering for it. But now, the guilt of abandoning Dimitri had caused me to start to slack on my Guardian duties - I often left my shift early, with Lissa's permission, to go and check on Dimitri.

Tears stung my eyes as I saw Dimitri, hands reaching up towards me, asking for assistance in rising.

"Rose?" he whispers, watching my saddened expression as I help him sit up. "Rose, what's wrong?"

I wipe under my eyes, stepping away from the bed to pull Dimitri to his feet. He clutches onto my shoulders, trying to gain his balance.

"How's your ankle?" I ask, quickly changing the subject. "Is it still sore?"

For the past few days, Dimitri has been walking with a limp, a wave of weakness hitting him, starting at his ankle. He could barely put pressure on it without grimacing, and I was beginning to think he needed a splint or brace for support.

"A bit."

Liar.

I wrap an arm around his waist, as it's all I can really reach, and he rests his hands on my shoulders, taking small, uneven steps. I wonder how long he's been laying in bed, needing to use the facilities. If he had better care, I kept telling myself, he would be much more comfortable. That's what this was all about, wasn't it? We weren't hoping for a miracle any longer, no medical breakthroughs. My goal was simply to keep Dimitri comfortable and well cared for in his last few months of life.

I was failing.

"Were you just waiting around for me all day?" I ask him, easing into the subject.

He shrugs. "About all I can do, Rose." Typical of Dimitri, these days. A short, clipped answer, one that didn't really give me the information I needed.

"Dimitri, you need better care," I inform him, deciding to avoid beating around the bush, helping him towards the bathroom. "I can't just leave you lying in bed all day when you can't move. You need someone to care for you."

"It's working alright so far, Rose," he grunts, leaning more and more heavily on me with each step.

"No it's not!" I cry. "It's not alright, Dimitri. What happens when you can't move on your own, anymore? What happens when you can't even reach over to get yourself glass of water? That day will come, Dimitri, faster than you think."

He nearly collapses against the counter, hands gripping onto the sink. "Well, what do you suggest?" he hisses through gritted teeth, knuckles turning white as the porcelain.

"I don't know, but we'll have to figure _something _out. We can't go on like this."

"I'd like some privacy," Dimitri states bluntly, his eyes emotionless, his gaze fixed onto his own reflection in the mirror. "Please."

His face is gaunt, his once strong and handsome features now just appeared to be skin stretched across bone. Only a glimmer remained of his former "god" likeness, his powerful body had been whittled away to nearly the frame. His long fingers were bony and pale, and he carried dark circles under his dull eyes.

Tears still blurring my vision, I nod, stepping away from him. "A...alright. I'll go... make dinner." I rush from the room, closing the door behind me.

~xXx~

"Of course, Rose."

"I'm so sorry, Lissa," I whisper, guilt once again weighing me down. I don't think I'd ever be free of the responsibilites, not to either of them.

"Don't be. We'll talk, alright, Rose? Meet you in the cafe tomorrow? Six o'clock?"

I smile. "Alright. Thanks, Liss."

Just after I end the call, Dimitri enters the kitchen, avoiding my gaze.

He manages to stagger to the counter, which impresses me, though he appears exhausted by the time he makes it there. He barely has the energy to hoist himself into the tall barstool-style chair, but he succeeds without my assistance.

Without even glancing in my direction, he picks at his meal, and, ever polite, mumbles a thank you for cooking dinner.

"I called Lissa," I say, trying to ease my voice into a casual tone. I fail, however, as Dimitri drops his utensils, letting them clatter against his plate.

"Damn it, Rose-"

"Stop it, Dimitri. I didn't ask her for any help, okay? I won't wound your pride, I give you my word." I give a dramatic roll of my eyes, piercing my salad with a rather violent stab of my fork.

"This isn't about my pride," he growls, his voice harsh, but his own eyes moist.

My own anger spikes. It seems every conversation, every word we speak ends in an argument lately, and it's only gotten worse. "Than what is this about, Dimitri, if not pride? Your stubbornness? Your inability to accept help? Your _ridiculous-"_

"Alright," he cries, shoving his plate away from his body. "Alright. I have a vast collection of flaws, thank you for venturing a few."

He struggles to get himself out of the chair, and while I move to assist him, he shrugs me off. Yes, I was angry, but I wasn't completely off in my points. Dimitri was stubborn as hell, and refused help when he could. He was proud, but not to the point of arrogance. He was nothing if not dignified, and liked to keep it that way.

So I was forced to watch as his ankle gave way, and he toppled to the carpet. I'm immediately at his side, turning him onto his back, inspecting his ankle and the rest of his body for bruises and any other injuries.

The bite in his voice eases, and he begins to tremble. Without a word, I pull with to his feet, though he limps heavily, and guide him to the bedroom, where I lay him onto the plush bed, adjusting his pillows, and scurry out of the room.

It takes only a few moments to gather a tray, but I manage to balance his dinner, as well as a few meal neccessities, and carry them into his room. His entire body is quaking, and although reluctant, he allows me to assist him with his food, since he doesn't seem to have the strength to hold up the utensils on his own.

"Rose..."

"Dimitri," I whisper, wiping his lips with a paper napkin. "We need to talk about this."

"I know," he says hoarsely. "Rose, I understand. I understand that I'm difficult to care for, I understand that it will only get worse. But please, Rose, I'm comfortable here. I know I can be stubborn and proud, but I am so thankful to be here. I know it's getting worse, I'll try to find a care facility soon, I promise you. But please, just let me stay until it's impossible for me to continue to live here without being too much of a nuisince. I don't want to leave, Rose..."

I move the tray from his lap and wrap my arms around him, allowing him to bury his face into my neck, his pale face cool against my heated skin.

"Dimitri, I called Lissa," I say again, rubbing his back soothingly.

He continues to tremble, though he remains silent, only a soft nod to acknowledge my words.

"I told her you needed better care, Dimitri, and she agreed."

He pulls away slightly, his eyes deep with sadness and understanding. "Can I at least... Can I at least _see _the place, the facility, before I'm sent to live there for my last few months?" he requests strongly. "I'd just like to see what it's like beforehand."

"We're not _sending you away_, Dimitri," I promise him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. "I swear to you, you're not going anywhere."

He rubs his temples as though he is getting a horrible headache. "Rose, I'm confused. I'm supposedly not receiving the care I need at home, but I'm not leaving...? Rose, _what _is going on?"

For the next couple of months, Lissa's going to cut down my shifts, more and more, until you need full-time care. I'm taking a bit of a leave at work, for as long as it takes, Dimitri. I'm going to be here."

"No."

I grit my teeth. "Damn it, Dimitri-"

"I said no, Rose. You've given up your home, your _life. _I am not taking away the one thing you have left!"

Snorting obnoxiously, I roll my eyes at his behaviour. _Why _is it that every time we tried to engage in conversation, it ended in a fight. We were stubborn, I suppose. Both too stubborn to get along in this situation. Dimitri was stubborn about his pride, and his independence. I was too stubborn to give him any room to _be _stubborn, though it was his own body, after all. Perhaps I _was _being a bit demanding.

But I'm too damn stubborn to admit it.

"My _job?_" I accuse. "You think my _job _is the only thing I have left?" Yes, I was stubborn as hell. Dimitri tries to rise, but I shove him back down into the pillows, knowing he's too weak to rise, and his ankle won't be able to handle the weight, even if he has lost a ton of it since his illness.

"No, well, I mean the only thing from your old life. All you do is go to work, then come home and take care of me. Your social life is gone, you rarely talk to any of your friends, anymore. I'm disrupting your life."

Letting out a sarcastic, mocking laugh, I give him a wave of dismissal. "What social life, Dimitri? I haven't had a social life since I graduated from _high school. _That was almost four years ago! You are most certainly _not _disrupting my life, Dimitri, that's ridiculous."

He doesn't respond to this, just casts his gaze downwards, and for a moment, I don't concentrate on his stubborness. Perhaps he truly does feel guilty, after all, for such a dramatic change in lifestyle, not just for me, but for the both of us. Poor Dimitri has been completely uprooted, his life destroyed for an attack he couldn't control, an illness he couldn't prevent. Just because I had just discovered his illness didn't mean it hadn't existed for the past three years: Dimitri had been dealing with this a lot longer than I had.

"Dimitri," I sigh, taking a seat at his bedside once more, brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead. "We're in Court. Lissa can choose anyone she wants to stand silently behind her and not do a thing. My job can be easily replaced. Do you know what can't be easily substited? Your comfort, your care. If you're happier here, with someone who isn't a perfect stranger taking care of you, than why shouldn't you be able to have that?"

"Because that's not what _you _want! You shouldn't have to put your life on hold for someone you barely know anymore!"

I refuse to let the tears fall, refuse to cry. He's hurting.

We both are.

"Isn't that what you did for me?" I whisper, voice choked with emotion. "When we were brought back to the academy? You sacrificed a lot for me, Dimitri, when I was about to be expelled. You fought for me. You fought for me in Spokane."

With a quivering smile, I lean down to press a lingering kiss to his forehead.

Somehow, between all of our fighting, we have missed all of the evening. The sun is beginning to slip up from the horizon, casting an orange glow over the apartment. It floods over Dimitri, over his pale skin, and for the first time in a long time, I see the familiar glint of passion spark back into his eyes.

"We're always going to fight, Dimitri. Fight for each other, fight _with _each other."

I take the cold, half-eaten meal, and pile the dishes onto the tray. Pausing at the doorway, I give him a small, watery smile.

"I'm tired of fighting with you, Dimitri. But I sure as hell will never stop fighting _for _you. Whether it's for your life, your soul, or your happiness. Think about it, alright?"

And I'm gone before he can reply.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear olivia williams, <strong>

**While I thank you for your reminders to updates, I have to admit, my chapters may be written more from fear of your threats than anything else. Effective, though ;D **

**Thank you so much for your messages and reviews. They mean so much to me, even if they are rather violent 3. Besides, you give me so many great ideas, I'll have to find a way to write some of them in, somehow.**

**Forever appreciative,**

**-PRG**

**I know, I know, took me forever! But I'm going to be gone for a bit, so I didn't want you to have to wait even LONGER for this stupid chapter!**

**Nevertheless, this chapter is for olivia williams, who is wonderful enough to have taken the time to send me another hilarious PM, suggesting quite forcefully that I update. What would I do without you?**

**In case I've failed to inform anyone, the title was inspired by the song "Save You" by Simple Plan. While not a huge fan of the band, I found the song rather fitting.**

_** Take a breath, I pull myself together,**_

_**Just another step till I reach the door,**_

_**You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you,**_

_** I wish that I could tell you something,**_

_** To take it all away.**_

_**Sometimes I wish I could save you,**_

_**And there're so many things that I want you to know,**_

_**I won't give up till it's over,**_

_**If it takes you forever I want you to know.**_

**xXx~**

**I do not own Vampire Academy, or this song!**


	7. Chapter 7

I strain upwards, so close to sliding the cereal box onto the top shelf, when the sound of shifting startles me out of my concentration, and I drop the box of the bran breakfast cereal onto the floor.

The back of the couch faces the kitchen, and I cannot see him whatsoever, though I can hear the poor man shift about on the sofa, restless. Ignoring the rest of the groceries on the counter, I make my way into the living room, knowing that Dimitri will wait until he's fallen off of the damn thing entirely before he asks for assistance.

As I suspected, Dimitri is struggling to rise from the sofa, though we both know his attempts are futile. He has recently been recovering from a "bad" day, and his exhaustion is still getting the better of him. I don't say a word, just wrap my arms around him, letting his hands fall to my hips as he pulls himself up.

"Thanks," he murmurs breathlessly. "I just needed to move around. If I lay down any longer, I believe I'll get bed sores."

When I'm sure he's able to support himself, I go back to the kitchen, picking the box up from the floor.

"Would you be able to put this on the top shelf for me?" I huff, feeling a tad too old to be clambering up onto the countertop to put the groceries away. Though it takes him longer than it might have on a better day, he reaches up with ease, resting his hand on my shoulder for support.

"Thank you," I say cheerily, moving to put away my other purchases, not that there's many: Dimitri hardly eats, and leftovers seem to sustain us for weeks. The poor man had lost his taste for most meat, which was probably healthier for him, anyways, but his teeth were often sore when his body craved blood, leaving most of the groceries being fleshy fruits and flavoured gelatin.

I found myself learning more and more about Dimitri and his habits each day. Three weeks into my official leave of absense as Lissa's guardian, I was spending almost every hour of the day with the man that I had once sacrificed everything for. I would be lying if I said I didn't love him anymore, but I knew better to confront him about my feelings. He didn't need that kind of drama in his last few months of life.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, and, as always, he shakes his head.

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about your night out with Vasilisa?" he asks, smiling, trying to change the subject. I know he feels guilty about keeping me in the house, though I'm perfectly content. Aftering nearly two weeks of badgering, I had finally agreed to leave Dimitri's side for the evening to have dinner with Lissa.

I quickly shower and change, pulling a sweater over my head, before exiting the roomy bathroom. I promise myself that I'll check on Dimitri before I leave, and I'm glad I do, because he has slipped from his spot on the counter, and is sprawled on the carpet, attempting to use the barstool and his shaking limbs to pull himself up.

In the half hour it has taken me to prepare, his strength has already deteriorated.

At his side instantly, I help Dimitri up and back onto the couch, fetching him a glass of water and tilting it to his lips. His forehead is covered in a thin sheen of perspiration and his skin is pale, very pale.

Before he can protest, I'm on the phone with Lissa, postponing our dinner.

The tortured look he gives me is almost more than I can bear, and I give him a quick smile and a kiss on his forehead, swearing that I'd rather stay in the apartment, anyways, and that he was saving me from the horrible weather. After all, it was pouring now, and the thick rain was pounding at the windows, shuddering the panes of glass.

Our dinner is a quick meal of mashed potatoes and steamed carrots, foods that won't hurt his aching teeth, though I know he won't eat it all, but I insist anyways. It's been a week and a half since he's been to the feeders, and I'm positive that he will, at least, eat some of his meal.

Resting for the half-hour it takes to cook the meal is of enormous benefit to Dimitri, and though his strength is weakened, his skin has a touch more colour, and his eyes are a bit sharper. He picks half-heartedly at the blanket covering his long legs, guilt in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry I've ruined your evening, Rose."

It breaks my heart, seeing him like this. "You didn't ruin anything, Dimitri. Liss was busy with work, anyways. It really was better to postpone it." I end the sentence with a strong pat to his knee and a smile.

"I find that I've been becoming a larger and larger nuisance in your life," he whispers, and I can't help but sigh. The guilt never truly disappeared, with him, and we seemed to be having this fight over and over again, always repeating, never moving on.

Though we hadn't outright discussed it, Dimitri had yet to complain again about the arrangement of his care. He had remained silent while my work hours were thinned, and finally haulted, and I knew he was thankful for my temporary leave of absense, though he didn't seem happy about keeping me from my career. I had learned an important lesson since my years of high school: Some things are more important than work.

I pat his knee fondly, before lifting the spoon of potatoes to his lips. "You're no such thing, Dimitri. Do you want to watch a movie, tonight, or something?"

He blinks once. "A... movie?"

"Yeah, you know. Movie, cinematograph, film, moving picture."

He rolls his eyes and bites cautiously on the lip of the spoon. "I know what a movie is, Rose."

With a cheeky grin, I move to feed him another bite.

"I'll make you a deal, Comrade. You eat as much as you can without being sick, and _maybe, _if you're lucky, I'll let you choose an old John Wayne film."

~xXx~

Bad move.

Dimitri lets me choose from his vast collection of John Wayne movies. He had once told me he had seen every one of the actor's movies, but I sure hadn't counted on that number being greater than one hundred. All of the titles sound horribly Western, and I whine and plead enough for Dimitri to finally just pick one himself, they all look the same, to me.

I pull my knees up under me as I sit on the sofa, and rest my head against Dimitri's shoulder, not having to wait more than a couple of awkward seconds before he gingerly slides his arm around my shoulder.

"This is my favourite," he promises, before relaxing against me.

To ask me now, I couldn't tell you what the plot was about, I couldn't tell you the character's names or the names of their damn horses. I can, however, recall how Dimitri's thumb slipped from my shoulder to my upper arm, rubbing up and down gently, soothingly. I can tell you that once in awhile, he would shift against me, and I could feel his breath flutter passed my ear.

Somehow, during the movie, we end up sprawled out onto the length of the couch, my back to Dimitri's chest, his arm around my waist, me throwing popcorn at the screen with a particularly cheesy line or quote, with Dimitri's laugh and amused scolding in my ear.

"Why is his name John in this movie? They couldn't have been a _bit _more creative?"

"Hush, Roza, his name doesn't matter! This is the best part!"

I ignore the fact that he's been saying that _this is the best part _for the entire movie, and just focus on the screen, or rather, the feel of Dimitri behind me.

God, I've got it bad.

"This is so cheesy! How do you watch these?"

He sighs loudly and applies a light pinch to my arm to get me to shut up. "How do _you _watch horror movies?" he fires back. "There's no plotline, it's just fake blood and scantily-clad girls screaming for two hours."

At least he has some of his old fire back.

To both my delight and disappointment, the film finally ends, and I boo loudly and throw another handful of popcorn at the rolling credits.

Dimitri shushes me again, gives me a gentle smack on the arm, and tells me to turn the movie off. I do as I'm told, a little reluctant to leave Dimitri's arms, but clamber off the couch anyways.

"How are you feeling?" I ask warmly as he watches me pull the film from the television.

"Much better," he replies, though he still does look quite pale, and exhaustion seems to take him over. He doesn't look particularly well, but at least he has a bit more energy than only hours ago. "I truly am sorry that you had to postpone your dinner with the Queen."

I snort and smack him on the arm. "I _quite _enjoyed my evening the way it was, Comrade," I point out with a wink. "Despite your horrible taste in movies." Bracing my feet against the sofa, I pull him off of the sofa with a grunt, and help him into bed.

He hates how I fuss about him, but I continue to do so, perhaps just because it annoys him so greatly. I open the windows, close the blinds, and start to arrange the pillows around him. However, when I help him shift, he grimaces quickly, before his face slips back into it's neutral position.

"What was that?" I cry, studying his face.

"What was _what?" _he replies quickly, looking as though he doesn't know what I've just suggested.

"Don't screw with me, Dimitri. What the hell was that wince?"

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's nothing, Rose, I'm just in a bit of pain."

"How much is a bit?" I ask. "On a scale of one to ten."

_A scale of one to ten _was a lame technique that Dr. Olendzki used to use when I was in elementary school, with 'one' being little to no pain, and 'ten' being unbearable.

He hestitates, chews his lip, and replies, "Three."

"Okay, what's the _actual _number. Don't even try to lie to me."

"Six," he sighs.

I sit down at his bedside, press the back of my hand against his forehead. "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?"

Dimitri, of course, shrugs. "I didn't see how it mattered. It's just a bit of pain, Rose, I can't afford the medication, anyways."

"And you didn't think to tell me you were uncomfortable? I'm supposed to be taking care of you! Good God, Dimitri, you're such a-"

I'm cut of when he ever-so-gently leans up and presses a kiss to my lips. He pulls away before I can even react, his eyes completely avoiding my gaze. He sinks low into the bed, turning away from me, and begins to tremble.

I let him be.

~xXx~

A muffled scream makes me shoot up from my bed, sweat pouring from my forehead. Nightmares, dreams about Dimitri's 'death' tortured me at night, and the scream almost seemed like an echo, ringing through the air.

But I hear it again.

I run.

Dimitri is whimpering, letting out muffled screams, gripping onto the sheets with a fury, tears streaming down his face, his expression contorted in excruciating pain. While he sounds tortured, he remains completely still, nearly motionless.

"Dimitri!"

I grab his shoulders and try to shake him away, patting his cheeks and hitting his chest.

"Dimitri, _please _wake up."

Now, one of the first Guardian's rules is not to panic, panic is a useless and worthless emotion, and it only dulls the ability to react rationally. But, however, seeing Dimitri in such a state, my emotions flare, and I am desperately claw at him, trying to wake him.

It takes endless minutes to rouse him from his sleep, and when he finally opens his eyes, they are nearly black, glazed over and dull.

"R...Rose," he whispers hoarsely, his voice cracking with pain.

"Dimitri?" I sob, clutching his hand, brushing the dripping hair from his face. "What's wrong?"

"Rose," he croaks, "I can't move. I can't move at all."

* * *

><p><strong>I'm back!<strong>

**Yes, a little more Dimitri angst, and kind of a filler chapter, but it will lead to something! I swear! At chapter seven already, I think I might have underestimated how long it would take to develop this plotline. So much for ten chapters... It shouldn't be too much longer than that, though... I hope.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading! And, thank you, as always, for your wonderful reviews!**

**-PeaceRoseG'ladheon**


	8. Chapter 8

_"R...Rose," he whispers hoarsely, his voice cracking with pain._

_"Dimitri?" I sob, clutching his hand, brushing the dripping hair from his face. "What's wrong?"_

_"Rose," he croaks, "I can't move. I can't move at all."_

* * *

><p>I knead his calves and feet with my fingers, quickly, desperately, and probably hard enough to leave bruises. "Can you feel that?" I whisper, my voice cracking.<p>

"Sort of," he replies. "I can sense it, but my legs are... numb. I can barely feel it." Dimitri's eyes clench shut and he bites his lip, letting out a muffled scream that makes my heart bleed.

I hold his hand while he writhes in pain, wait for the worst of the wave of pain to smooth.

"Dimitri, I have to go. I have to get you help."

Almost instinctively, he tightens his grip on my wrist, preventing me from pulling away. "Don't go."

I wrap my fingers around Dimitri's, prying his hands off of my own. "I have to. You need help." I press a kiss to his knuckles. "I _will _be back."

And I'm gone before he can protest.

~xXx~

I _borrow _a wheelchair from the feeders' and drag it upstairs, the elevator moving at a snail pace in my frantic state. I'm into the hallway before the doors can even fully open, running down the corridor with the wheelchair in front of me.

The second I enter the spacious apartment, I can already hear Dimitri crying out for me, begging for me.

"Dimitri!"

Somehow, I manage to manuover him into the wheelchair, with Dimitri biting his lip to keep from screaming in pain

Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.

I knew I should have taken him to the feeders today, I knew he looked too pale. This, however, had never happened to him before, he had never suffered like this.

It's only a short walk to the infirmary, but I am reluctant to let go of the arms of the wheelchair. He needs medical help, but I don't want to let him go, afraid to never see him again.

The waiting room is hell, far too small to pace, and I spent the next several hours moving from one wall to the next in 4 strides. I'm on my phone constantly, texting the only Moroi who would be up at three in the morning. Half way through a text, the door to the cramped waiting room opens, startling me from my thoughts.

"Rose?"

I fly into him, wrapping my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder.

"Thank God, Adrian. I don't know what to do."

He smells faintly of alcohol, but is obviously sober, as he manages to sit me down in one of the vinyl chairs, calm me to the point that I can talk.

"...and then he was just screaming in pain. I don't understand what's happening, Adrian," I finish, sniffling unattractively and wiping my running eyes with the sleeve of my sweater. I'm still clothed in my flannel pajama shorts and a tank top, though Adrian threw his coat over my shaking shoulders when he arrived.

He runs his fingers through his dark hair, leaning forward in his chair thoughtfully, gold wedding band glinting on his finger.

"I've read a few medical books about Moroi who have been deprived of blood. Blood helps Moroi to function, Rose, it's like oxygen to a human. Without blood, our bodies just shut down. That could explain why he's unable to move."

"Dimitri's not a Moroi! He's a dhampir! This shouldn't even be happening to him!"

Adrian places his hand on the back of my neck, and a flood of warmth seeps into my neck and throughout my entire body, instantly relaxing me.

"You shouldn't do that, you know, waste your Spirit on me."

"It's not a waste, Rose, your my friend. And yes, Dimitri is technically a dhampir, because of Spirit. But the Spirit gave him his soul back. Who's to say whether or not it was able to completely alter his body's physical traits? Spirit heals, but it doesn't change you. I could heal your broken arm, but that doesn't mean that arm will get super strength."

Despite the heavy situation, I find myself laughing. Perhaps it's the forced compulsion that Adrian has relaxed me with. "That would be cool."

Adrian ruffles my hair in and elder-brother sort of way, letting me rest my head against his shoulder. "Not the point, Little Dhamp. You get what I'm saying though, don't you? The strigoi bite changed his physical body, but the Spirit only gave him back his soul. He's a dhampir, technically, but he still needs blood to function."

God, this was hurting my head. "But, he hates blood. He hates the taste."

"Because he's a dhampir," Adrian replies. "He isn't _supposed _to like the taste of blood. It's not in his nature. Drinking it makes him ill, because he's dhampir, but being deprived of blood is like being deprived of food, he can't survive without it."

"So, he's going to be in pain like this until the blood deficiency kills him?" I ask, tears springing to my eyes. Adrian wraps his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder.

"Not all the time, Rose. When he feeds, and they stabilize him, the pain should lessen, but it will only get worse and worse as time goes on. By the end, it could be like this all of the time."

"What can I do?" I sob. "I don't want him to be in pain. Can't you heal him, or something?"

"They'll give him medication, Rose. I can't heal him, he's not injured or sick. There's nothing wrong with him, other than the fact that he can't drink blood without _feeling _ill. If you ate something you didn't like the taste of, you might feel nauseous, but you're not physically sick."

But Dimitri can't afford the medication. He hasn't worked since he's been ill, he hasn't been able to, and his income had been non-existant. But after today, I suppose he might let me _'loan' _him the money. Or, perhaps if I didn't tell him until I had already bought it...

Suddenly, the door to the waiting room opened again, and a elderly man with a white lab coat stepped into the waiting room.

"Guardian Hathaway?"

I immediately stand, jumping up in a manner so urgent the doctor jumped in surprise.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Belikov informed our staff members that you would be handling his care, and therefore were approved to handle his medical information."

I nod, desperate to hear what has happened to Dimitri.

"Mr. Belikov is resting now, he's been stabilized, and has received blood. His condition has worsened, Guardian Hathaway, and I would suggest putting him on a dosage of pain medication, as the pain will only get worse as his illness progresses."

I swallow the lump in my throat, and somehow manage to croak out, "Of course."

"I think it would be best if he stayed for the remainder of the night, for observation, but Mr. Belikov is insisting on being released. If you'd like, you can discuss his options with him, and a nurse will be in soon."

I follow him to Dimitri's room, and slip inside, to where Dimitri lays resting. His eyes are closed, but his Guardian's hearing obviously hasn't faded, as he looks up at the sound of my footsteps.

"How are you feeling?" I ask stupidly, unsure of what to say.

"Alright, I suppose. They gave me enough medication to take down a horse."

Just like Dimitri, to make light of his pain in such a situation. I make my way over to the foot of his bed, brushing his hair from his face.

"The doctor told me you didn't want to stay for the rest of the night."

He nods, closing his eyes and clutching my hand with his own, using it as leverage to shift himself in bed. "No, I want to go home."

I raise my brows before I can stop myself. Home?

He clears his throat awkwardly. "I mean... I meant _your _home..."

With a smile, I press a kiss to his forehead, shaking my head. "It's your home, too, Dimitri. And I don't think that would be the best idea. The doctors just want to take care of you."

"Take care of me for the mere price of hundreds of dollars. I can't afford-"

"I can take care of it, Dimitri. I know you've got your pride. Hell, if I was in your position, God knows that I would be fighting you all the same. But there are times when even Guardians can't take care of everything, Dimitri, sometimes, you need help, assistance. Back up." I smile and lay down gingerly beside him, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "Don't let your own prevent you from asking for help in a fight. A very smart man told me that."

His eyes flutter shut, and he leans into my embrace. "So you were listening to my life lessons after all. Thank you, Rose, for everything."

I hum in response, and rest my head on his shoulder, turning my body so I can sling an arm around his waist, letting my own eyes slip closed. The sun is just setting, and the vampire world is just starting to rise, though Dimitri and I have been up all night. When we both have nearly fallen asleep, the nurse enters, makes the assumption that Dimitri will be staying the night, and tells me that I can return during designated visiting hours, which are from noon to six o'clock, or I suppose midnight to six, in the human world.

"Get some rest, Roza," he murmurs, lazily pressing his lips to my temple.

"I'll be back at noon," I vow, hating the thought of leaving him alone, though I know he can use rest of his own.

"Just sleep, come get me whenever you wake."

I squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Good night, Dimitri."

"Good morning, Roza."

~xXx~

**Okay, still a little bit of angst and whatnot, but someone had reviewed and requested a bit of information on what happened to Adrian, so here it is! Yes, he will be making another appearence in this fic, as I did leave some _pretty _big questions unanswered in this one...**

**Thank you for all of your fabulous reviews! **

**-PRG**


	9. Chapter 9

***starts to cry* more threats to update! I do believe I'm frightened to even log on to the site, and see what my inbox holds... ;)**

**Thank you so much for your FANTASTIC reviews! I know I've been away and not updating, which by the way, is not entirely my fault, I was in a location with no internet for roughly a week...**

* * *

><p>"Guardian Hathaway?"<p>

I jump up from my plush seat, throwing aside an ancient magazine that I've read hundreds of times over. A nurse wheels Dimitri out into the waiting room, a smile plastered across her face.

"He did well today," she chirps. "He drank longer than usual."

Dimitri rolls his eyes at her approving tone, knowing she can't see, but smiles at me anyways, humour on his lips. I thank the flirtacious nurse and take the chair from her hands, wheeling Dimitri into the elevator, bidding goodbye to the friendly woman.

"We need to find out when her work schedule is," Dimitri states when the doors slide shut. "I don't want to spend one more day in her presence..."

"Dimitri!" I scold, trying to bite back a laugh. "You're getting bitter in your old age."

"Twenty-eight is hardly old, Roza."

I nudge his shoulder playfully. "It is to my _youthful _twenty-one year old self, Old Man."

Dimitri groans, his head lulling back into the wheelchair. "Will the age jokes never cease? I can't imagine what you'll write on my tombstone, Rose. Some sort of teasing limerick about my Russian heritage perhaps? Or will you just get a large picture of a cowboy hat plastered across the front?"

Though I hate it when he makes light of his death, I laugh anyways, and rest my hands on his shoulders, rubbing lightly. "How are you feeling?" I ask, quickly changing the subject.

"Alright," he replies. "Nauseous, queasy, a bit lightheaded. Nothing unusual."

My heart aches for him, but I keep my distance. Since the night that Dimitri had kissed me, I had definitely been staying away. I loved him, deeply, but I couldn't let myself get too attached. Dimitri was dying, and just needed care, comfort. He didn't need me digging up my old feelings for him and causing tension between us. No, I would keep that complication out of our lives.

He must have felt the same way, that the kiss was just a mistake, because he hadn't brought it up, either. Perhaps it truly was, in fact, Dimitri's old feelings that just came rushing back, an illusion, a phantom of what we used to have. Not real, not solid, but a memory all the same.

"I don't suppose you're hungry..."

He smiles lightly and shakes his head. "No, I'm not."

He's getting thinner and thinner as the days drag on, losing more and more weight. His once muscular frame has been whittled away, and he looks gaunt and frail. Though he's not even thirty, he looks much older. His hair is dull, his eyes often glazed over. Only a phantom of what he once was still remained. And yet, his smile still took my breath away, his jokes still made me laugh. His hands were always cold to the touch, yet they still playfully tugged at my hair when I made a biting comment.

"And your ankle...?"

Dimitri shrugs. "Alright. Hasn't been bothering me, lately."

His ankle, a few weeks ago, had been a target to his weakness. Though he claimed it didn't bother him, I suspected the reason that his weak ankle no longer bothered him was because the rest of his body had caught up: he was weak _everywhere _now.

Mostly confined to crutches, Dimitri could barely stand for any extended period, and often trembled, even when he was resting. Though he always encouraged me to keep in touch with Lissa and the rest of me friends, I always felt guilty about leaving Dimitri behind. I was, really, his only friend, all that he had. He needed to get out, to _live, _and yet I always seem to leave him alone at the apartment.

I take Dimitri back home, letting him sleep while I clean up the apartment and prepare to go out with the group. I am nearly about to leave when Dimitri staggers out of his room, looking as well rested as he can nowadays, balanced on his crutches.

"Meeting Lissa, tonight?" he asks, a small smile on his face.

"Meeting everyone, actually."

Dimitri shifts both crutches, tucks them under his arms, and manuovers himself onto one of the stools.

"Hey," I ask softly. "Do you want to come?"

He looks quite surprised, that I've asked jim to come along, but his face slips back to neutral. "Oh, I don't know..."

"Please?" I ask. "Lissa's got _her _husband, Adrian's got _his _wife. I'm the third wheel. It would be nice to have someone to talk to when they get all lovey-dovey."

Perhaps, I figure, if I act as though he'd be doing me a favour, instead of a tag-along...

"I'm still in my nightclothes," he comments with another slight smile.

"Hey, I can wait. I hate being the first one there, anyways."

"I don't want to intrude..."

"Like I said, you'd be doing me a favour.

Dimitri smiles, and once again, pulls his expression back to neutral. "Thank you, Rose."

~xXx~

We walk through the door just seven minutes late. Lissa and Christian are already there, and look quite shocked to see Dimitri out and about, but smile warmly and welcome him, pulling up an extra chair to the table.

Lissa, once Dimitri is settled and released of his crutches, wraps her arms around him, while Christian gives him a firm handshake.

"Nice to see you, Belikov. Someone has to keep Rose under control."

I tell him to shut up, but am silently thankful. If anything, Christian has a gift for soothing awkward moments, though seemingly always at my expense.

"I'm sorry to intrude-"

"Don't be!" Lissa cries, taking his thin, frail hand. "You're not intruding at all! It's so nice to see you again, Dimitri, we've all missed you. I hate to say it, but we really do need someone to keep Rose under control..."

I make a noise of protest deep in my throat, but can't help but smile. When I'm about to make a rather biting comment towards the married couple, Adrian saunters into the restauraunt. Alone.

"Where's the wife, Ivashkov?" Christian teases, of course. "She couldn't have left you only two months into marriage."

Lissa elbows him firmly in the ribs, rolling his eyes, as Adrian takes one of the empty seats.

"The _wife_ is running late, her class ran late."

"Who's the cradle robber now, Adrian?" I tease, pouring him a glass of wine and tap my own glass against his.

Poor Adrian _nearly _blushes, but somehow suppresses it. "Five years, Little Dhampir. Besides, both of _us _are over the age of eighteen."

I can sense Dimitri grow uncomfortable beside me. Perhaps joking about our relationship days after our 'mistake' kiss wasn't the best choice. While I scramble to find a way to change the subject, Dimitri manages to solve the problem without a thought.

Swirling the liquid in his own glass thoughtfully, he smiles. "Adrian Ivashkov, a married man. I never would have thought."

"Why is everyone so surprised?" he cries, and we all try to contain our laughter. Just when his expression grows even more sour, his spouse enters the room, and his entire face lights up, his eyes glowing.

She really is beautiful, even with her hair tied back and her face left bare - no cosmetics slathered on her face. Adrian rises to greet her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply enough to make all of us uncomfortable.

Lissa jumps up, kissing both of her cheeks, and Christian reaches across the table to give her a half-hug.

"It's good to see you, Jill."

Jill, now nineteen years old, smiles warmly. Her child-like qualities have disappeared entirely, and she has grown so much in three short years.

After Dimitri left three years ago, and I had rejected Adrian, his drinking had increased drastically, his depression had worsened, to a dangerous level. With his life at risk, Jill had stepped in, taking on Adrian, helping him heal, though she was only sixteen at the time. When she turned eighteen, two years later, they had grown extremely close, Adrian depending on her when the Spirit threatened his sanity. She was always there.

And that's when their relationship began. Their romantic relationship, at least. With Adrian head-over-heels with Jill, our own friendship began to mend, and Adrian and I grew closer, as well. After about a year of dating, Adrian proposed to her.

Jill had, so the story goes, jumped into his arms with such force that it had knocked him right off of his feet. Literally.

She was young, nineteen when they married, but many Moroi married at younger ages; death was around every corner, there wasn't room to waste time. So, though Adrian's family put up a fight due to Jill being attached to such scandel, the marriage of two Moroi of high-status was well-received, even with Jill's encouragement of Moroi fighting.

They really were a cute couple, still in newlywed mode, and all over each other. Luckily, Lissa and Christian had settled down (slightly), after a year of marriage, and, though still digustingly sweet, no longer felt the need to make out in front of me.

I was the only one still single, and though I still had feelings for Dimitri, I was alright being single. I was, however, thankful that Dimitri had chosen to come tonight. The four were discussing house decorations or some other matter-of-marriage I had no interest in, and Dimitri and I were the only ones not engaged in the conversation.

"Did I tell you I saw Jesse Zeklos a couple of days ago?" I ask quietly. He shakes his head.

"No. How is he?"

I laugh. "Still a bit arrogant. Getting better, though, and his ego has settled. His hair is already starting to thin, though, and turn gray. I couldn't imagine what in the world would cause him stress."

"Maybe it's hereditary," Dimitri offers, once we're both grinning from ear to ear.

"The baldness or the arrogance?" We both chuckle at this.

Dimitri shakes his head and smiles, staring down into his glass of water. "I seem to recall Jesse Zeklos being quite the stud back at the Academy."

"You know who else was a stud back in the day? You, Belikov. Hell, I think even _Mason _had a thing for you," I insist, though he rolls his eyes. "I mean it!"

"Rose..." he groans, shaking his head.

I nudge his ribs playfully, trying to build up his confidence. It doesn't seem to work.

"Well, I look half-dead, I _am _half dead. I don't look like much, now."

I take his hand and squeeze it gently, running the pad of my thumb over each of his cold, boney fingers, staring into his eyes, though still trying to keep the mood light.

"Dimitri, your worst day is pretty much any other guy's best day."

He rolls his eyes, but I can already tell I've given him a bit of a boost to his confidence, ensured him that I don't care what he looks like - he was still my friend. We break away from our own intimate moment to see the rest of the table eyeing us suspiciously, watching the two of us.

Jokingly, I announce more loudly, "I mean, look at Christian. He's ugly as sin all the time. And _he _has a full head of hair."

"Shut up, Rose!"

I lift my glass towards Christian, a mocking salute, and swallow deeply.

Despite the fact that he has been dropped into a group of friends years in the making, Dimitri fits in flawlessly, able to joke with Adrian, discuss politics with Lissa, talk with Jill about training, and meet Christian for each sarcastic comment he made.

And, for the first time in a long time, I was actually able to enjoy this dinner, without having to worry about how Dimitri was faring the entire time I was here.

The sun was already up when we made our way out of the restaurant, all of the other tables having long since disappeared. Adrian's arm was tight around Jill's waist, Christian's hand clutched Lissa's, and Dimitri and I walked awkwardly, side-by-side, Dimitri relying heavily on his crutches.

The women embrace, the men shake hands, bidding each other goodbye.

"We'll see you next week, right Rose?" Lissa asks, smiling widely.

"Yeah of course. Friday night, seven o'clock."

"And Dimitri, too?" she questions, turning expectantly towards him.

"Well-"

"C'mon, Belikov," Christian announces. "Someone has to-"

I growl loudly, glaring quite threateningly in Christian's direction. "If you make another comment about me, I swear to God, Christian, I will break your nose."

Christian just raises a brow, and leans towards Dimitri. "See what I mean?"

* * *

><p><strong>I know, it was a bit of a filler chapter, but, though I didn't plan it, I felt like I had to explain some of the secondary characters' lives after the three years. <strong>

**Well, so much for my ten chapter story. Perhaps I'll try for fifteen, now? No more than fifteen. Haha, _right..._**


	10. Chapter 10

Dimitri, despite his initial concerns, has fit in quite comfortably with our small group of friends. Though, of late, Dimitri simply doesn't have the energy to attend our dinners, they are always disappointed.

He's been getting worse. There's no denying it, no trying to hide it. Simply getting out of bed in the morning has become a trying task, and there's days he's not able to do it. The weight loss is another large concern, with Dimitri losing pounds seemingly everyday.

The pain was also increasing, even with his heavy medication. Reluctant to take his pills at first, the pain became so overwhelming that Dimitri had been forced to take them, though he wasn't happy about it. Along with his medication, he was also taking a multitude of vitamins, trying to keep his health from falling too low.

Last week had been his doctor's appointment, one of his last, if the doctor was, in fact, correct. Dimitri wasn't able to lift himself out of his wheelchair, which was noted by the doctor with the clicking of her tongue.

A few weeks. That's how long he supposedly had, how much time he had left with me. A few weeks.

A few months, if we're lucky.

Unfortunately, it wasn't looking as though he'd be one of those cases, and it tore at my heart. I loved him, after all these years, I still loved him, and I couldn't say a word. Our last moments together would _not _be awkward or lonely, I promised myself, I promised _him. _The apartment had been under a somber mood ever since.

"Roza?" his voice called from the bedroom, and I quickly dropped the dish into the sink and wiped the fallen tear from my face. Dimitri was sitting up in bed, a pen and paper in hand, and he looks up when I enter.

"Did you need something?" I ask, trying to hide my closed, croaking throat. I know I'm not fooling him, but he indulges me and doesn't comment.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to disturb you. We don't need to talk right now..."

I sigh and roll my eyes teasingly. "Dimitri, I'm already here. What else am I going to do?"

He nods, but doesn't look convinced. "After..." he cleared his throat. "After I'm gone, Rose, is there anything... Is there anything you'd... like? I don't have many possessions, but if you'd like something, anything..."

If he couldn't tell I was upset before, I'm sure he could when I completely broke down, tears flowing freely, my body wracked with sobs.

"Roza-!" I'm kneeling at his bedside, forehead pressed against the side of the mattress, when he slides his hand into mine, pulling me onto the bed beside him. He's the one going through this, the one dying, and I'm the one falling apart. We grip onto each other until my tears run dry, until I collapse onto his chest, arm thrown around his waist, his hand on my back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, and he shakes his head, pressing his thin lips against my hair.

"Don't be. I've... come to terms with what's happening to me, Rose, but I know you haven't. You're the one who has to deal with all of this when I'm gone, but you do. That's why I'm trying to get my _affairs _in order, so you don't have to deal with all of my... _things."_

"What about your family?" I whisper, my voice hoarse and tired.

He sighs, one of his _Rose-is-going-to-lose-it-once-she-hears-this _sighs, like I heard so many times during training, like I heard before Dimitri told me about Victor's trial.

"They... they don't really know. That I'm a dhampir. Or whatever the hell I am."

"...What?"

"Rose-"

The tears almost start to well up again, only repressed by my raging anger. "Are you kidding me? It's been three years! _Three years, _Dimitri! They've been mourning you for three damn years and you couldn't even give them a phone call?"

"Roza," he whispers. "I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to find out what was happening to me. And I'm glad that I didn't. I didn't want them to lose me twice, Rose."

My anger evaporates immediately, left by the aching guilt left for yelling at him. No communication is needed, as Dimitri brushes several strand of hair from my forehead gingerly.

"I don't want to lose you either, Dimitri, it will kill me. But I wouldn't trade the last few months we had for anything." I look up just as his eyes flicker downwards, and before I know it, our lips meet.

He pulls me closer, and I do anything but resist, melting into his arms and cupping his face, my hands sliding along his jaw. I hook my right leg over his waist, and his palms grip my hips.

Dimitri and I have had our share of kisses, but this one was different. It wasn't provoked by lust charms, fear of being caught, desperation for trying to be apart for so long. This was sweet, soft, gentle.

This was goodbye.

We break apart at the same time, breathing quitely, foreheads pressed together for only a moment, before I sob an apology and dart from the room, wiping the tears from my eyes.

~xXx~

While Dimitri slept the next morning, I busied myself with cleaning the house, washing the dishes, doing whatever it was that a good housekeeper did, I suppose.

I had to admit, I didn't want to face Dimitri, not after last night. I had made I promise to myself that I would not act on my feelings towards Dimitri, and yet, last night, I had been all over him. How could I possibly act like everything was normal after this?

Though my throat seemed to close up whenever I thought about him, I wouldn't let myself cry. I loved him, I always would, but I would _not _let myself cry. Dimitri was obviously avoiding me, as well, because it was nearly one o'clock in the afternoon, and he still wasn't out of his room.

Now that I think about it, I hadn't heard any noise at all from his room. Dimitri _never _slept this late. Even with his constant exhaustion, he was always up by eleven. Unless, perhaps, he had been unable to sleep, like me?

As quietly as possible, I slip down the hall, calling on my Guardian's stealth, and crack open the door to his room. I hear nothing. Hoping I don't wake him, I lean a little farther into the room, careful not to make any loud noises - Dimitri may have been away from his job for a few years, but he still started with the slightest of movements or noises.

He doesn't, however, when I slip into the room. He's lying on the bed, eyes closed, still in bed at this hour.

He's not moving.

Even for slumber, he's still. Too still.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapter, I know! I'm sorry!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

I watched, tears in my eyes, as his thin body was loaded onto the stretcher. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, the pain was unbearable. I was gripping his had, though he couldn't grip back. His dull eyes followed my movements, I knew, and I tried to avoid his - I couldn't meet his haunting gaze.

Rushed to get to the infirmary, I am crammed into the back of the ambulance beside the stretcher, though the hospital is only a short walk, let alone drive.

And I hold Dimitri's hand.

He's hooked up to some pretty heavy painkillers, perhaps he doesn't even know who I am, anymore, but I still keep a tight clasp on his pale, shaking hand. I won't let go.

Slowly, his eyes crack open, taking him a visible amount of effort, and his opens his mouth. No sound is produced, but poor Dimitri tries once more, finally able to croak out his words.

"Ro..."

I shake my head and squeeze his hand, running the pad of my thumb over his skin. "Hey, it's alright. We don't have to talk now, Dimitri. We'll talk later."

He clears his throat once, twice more. "Ro...za. There mi...might not... be...a..." he sighs loudly, trying to take in breath, despite his failing body. "...later."

Pulled from the ambulance, I desperately try to keep up with the fast-moving stretcher, the paramedics crying out for assistance.

I grab onto his hand, tightly, my jaw set, my voice firm.

"I will not _let _you die."

And he's ripped away from me.

I stand, broken, in the hall of the infirmary, my body trembling, my mind frozen.

Watching.

And slowly, I set off, off to find the only person who can help me.

~xXx~

"I have to talk to the Queen. _Now._"

"Ms. Hathaway," the girl sighs irritably. "The Queen is unable to see at this time. Please, leave your name and contact infor-"

"It's _Guardian _Hathaway," I growl. "And I know that at _this _time, she's having her lunch. So I suggest you let me in. Please."

"Her Highness Queen Vasilisa is currently-"

"Rose?"

We both turn to face the woman in the doorway. The Queen herself, looking regel as ever, is staring at me as if I've lost it.

"Lissa! I need to talk to you! Please." I'm panting, having sprinted across Court, and must look as though I've lost it. Perhaps that explains her concerned expression.

"Of course, Rose!"

I shoot the young woman at the front desk a glare, and proceed into Lissa's office, my whole body trembling.

Wasting no time, I blurt, "It's Dimitri!" as soon as the door closes.

"W...What? Is he okay?"

"No," I croak, tears building in my eyes again. "No, he's not okay. And I'm not going to stand by and let him get sicker and sicker. So I need your help."

Lissa blinks, her lashes suddenly moist with tears, and stutters, trying to regain her words. "But... I can't help him, Rose, I can't heal him."

"I'm not talking about healing, Liss, I'm talking about compulsion." Even I can tell that I am half-hysterical, and possibly delusional. But then, I'm too hysterical and delusional to actually care.

"Rose...? Compulsion?"

"He needs blood, Liss, but he hates the taste. You need to compel him to like the taste of blood! Please!"

Lissa pinches the bridge of her nose, shaking her head, and eases herself into the enormous wing-backed chair behind her elegant desk. "Rose, do you know how much energy that would take? How much power that would consume, to change the way his body functions?"

I nearly sob with desperation, getting before her, kneeling at her side, pleading. "How much? Liss, it would only be one round of compulsion! He could-"

"But it's not!" she says calmly. "Rose, I'd have to be there _every time _he took blood. Blood tastes different for everyone, and everyone's blood tastes different."

I blink, utterly confuse.

"It's like back in high school, when I compelled Jesse to see spiders, or snakes, or whatever. The energy it took nearly drove you mad, Rose. Imagine if I had tried to compel every person there. That's what it would be like. I'd have to compel Dimitri to stand the taste of all of these different types of blood, all of these people. One compulsion wouldn't be so bad, but do that every few days, whenever he gets a new feeder?"

She shakes her head again, looking sympathetic.

"Besides," she explains, "they're careful about their feeders, here, they replace the '_seasoned' _ones. Odds are, Dimitri will have a different feeders almost every time he feeds. There is no possible way I can use that kind of compulsion. I can't just compel him every six months or so, Rose, just to _barely_ keep him alive. His body could go into shock, it would do more damage than good. I'm afraid it's an all or nothing matter."

"What if I got a private feeder? Just for Dimitri?"

"He only needs to feed, what? Once a week or so? Feeders are addicted, they need the rush every day, Rose. No feeder will stick around that long. Besides, Dimitri doesn't produce endorphins, he's a dhampir. Who would willingly get bitten, without a drug rush, without even painkillers?"

Every suggestion, every idea, crumbles before my eyes. It's hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless. I want to scream, to sob, but what I want most is Dimitri, is for him to be okay, to live.

"Me," I whisper. "I would! Compel him to drink _my_ blood, Liss! I don't care about a drug rush, I just want to help him. Besides, giving blood once a week will still keep me fully-functioning. Please, Lissa!"

Her eyes are tear filled, watching me beneath her thick lashes as I pace desperately.

"Rose, really, you're a respected Guardian. What if someone found out? What would people say?"

"They'd say, good God, Dimitri has made a miraculous recovery, and will live a long and happy life. I don't give a shit if people have a problem with it, Liss, I'll do anything for him."

"Rose-"

But I'm through with arguements, through with excuses. If Lissa won't do this, I would go to Adrian and risk countless jokes and a lifetime of light-hearted teasing. He may not love me anymore, not in the way that he used to, but he would still do just about anything for me, little to no questions asked.

"I did not drop out of high school, risk my life, risk my _soul, _just to give up on him now. If you won't do this, I'll find someone who will."

And with that, I head for the door, only inches from the door knob when she calls out. "Okay! Alright, Rose, but _he _won't be happy about it."

I smile.

"He doesn't really have a choice. He owes me."

~xXx~

**Oh no! Their getting shorter and shorter! *cries***

**Well, thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I love to hear from you!**


	12. Chapter 12

I stand over him, watching as his chest rises and falls with each breath. It seems a shame to wake him when he was in such a peaceful state, but, then again, he was practically in a coma.

Suddenly, as though my thoughts alone woke him, his eyes flutter open, and he blinks to clear his foggy vision.

"R...Roza?"

I slip onto the bed, turning on my side and running my fingers through his hair, over his forehead.

"Hey, Sweetheart."

Sweetheart. I used to think pet names were always so ridiculous, what the hell was happening to me? He leans into my touch, but winces in pain. "Did... did you talk to the nurse?"

I shake my head, tears in my eyes due to his hoarse voice, his pale skin, his shaking form.

"No, I haven't yet. I just got here. Why?" I ask, almost afraid to know the answer, knowing that it would not be good news. It seemed, with Dimitri, it was never good news.

"I don't have long, Rose. A couple of days, at most. My whole body is shutting down."

As gently as I can manage with Dimitri in my arms, I motion to Lissa in the doorway, waving her into the room.

Dimitri's eyes flicker towards her, a puzzled expression on his face, her solemn appearance causing him to lean back against me.

"V...Vasilisa? What... what are you doing here?" he turns to me, fear in his eyes. "Is everything alright? Rose, what's going on? Something's wrong. What's wrong?" He's panicking, shifting about in bed in a way that's only causing him more and more discomfort.

"Dimitri..." I warn, trying to hold the man still while I hop off of the bed, letting Lissa move to his bedside, holding his jaw with her hands, an apologetic look in her eyes.

"Roza?"

"Dimitri," I continue. "Lissa's going to compel you to be able to stand the taste of blood. I promise, this is for your own good."

"She..." he still looks suspicious. "Compel...me...?" It sounded like such a simple solution, a solution we both should have thought of much, much sooner.

I smile, quite awkwardly, and try to reassure him. It clearly doesn't work, as he clearly knows me better than that. Lissa positions his jaw upwards, looking deep into his questioning eyes.

"Dimitri," she whispers huskily, her voice sweet and coaxing. "You like the taste of Rose's blood. You want to... Want to drink Rose's blood."

His eyes widen, body jerking with surprise. "W...what? No!" Now he's trying to fight me, trying to throw me off of him, trying to pull his jaw away from Lissa's grasp. "Are you mad? Have you completely lost your mind?"

"Dimitri, please-"

"You're mad, Rose. What the hell are you doing? I'm not going to drink your blood! What is wrong with you?" He yells for a nurse, yells at me, yells at Lissa for ever agreeing to go along with this.

"Lissa!"

"You want to drink Rose's blood!"

"No!"

"Dimitri!"

"Damn it!"

"Listen-"

"Please!"

"Get away from me!"

"_Listen to me!"_

We still.

Lissa grabs Dimitri's thin face between her palms. "Listen to me! Dimitri, I know this is going to bring back some horrible memories, I know this is going to be hard for you, but please, if you're not going to do this for you, do this for Rose. She'll fall apart without you. Please."

His eyes flutter, his heaving chest begins to calm, his wheezing breath the only sound that fills the room. "I... I can't."

Knowing he'll only pull away, I don't attempt to embrace him, don't attempt to comfort him.

"Please," I rasp, gripping strongly onto his hand. He eyes us both, watching us wearily, as a guardian would, as I would watch a potential threat. He nods, barely, to Lissa, his chin dipping downwards for only a fraction of a second before rigidly returning it to it's tense position.

My entire body relaxes, and I ease my hold on him, slightly, and let Lissa take over.

"You want this," she whispers, her voice turning to silk. "You can stand the taste of Rose's blood." She continues to whisper into his ear, gently, soothingly, coaxingly, as I stand to the side, smoothing my fingers over his papery skin.

His eyes begin glazed over, and his muscles begin to relax.

We all pause, silent, until Lissa finally finishes her assessment of Dimitri, as asks softly, "How do you feel?"

Blinking rapidly, Dimitri takes his time to answer, shifting uncomfortably in his hospital bed. "Al... alright, I suppose."

Before I ask him any more questions, like if he has any desires to drink my blood, the nurse waltzes into the room, forcing Lissa and I to jump away from Dimitri, looking guilty.

"Is everything alright," she asks, raising a wire-thin brow at our nervous exteriors.

"Yes!" I reply, much too quickly. "Yes, we're fine."

Looking unconvinced, she turns her head to Dimitri, waiting for his small nod of approval before slipping out of the room, watching us steadily.

"D...did... did it work?" Lissa whispers, neither of us moving from our distant position. Our panting breath alone fills the silence of the room, accompanied only by the nervous hum of the machines.

Shifting slightly in bed, Dimitri clears his throat gently, avoiding to meet our eyes. "I don't... feel any different."

I finally step forward, finally step close to him. "Maybe... Maybe we should test-"

"No," he interrupts, his voice harsh and strained. "Not now. I want to be alone, Rose." He flickers his gaze to Lissa. "_Your Majesty. _Please."

With tears in my eyes, I do as he asks.

* * *

><p><strong>I'M ALIVE! AND SOOOOO BUSY!<strong>

**I am so sorry for the delay, and this terrible and short chapter, but the ball's getting rolling, and although it was a bit of a sucky chapter, it was necessary.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I do not own Vampire Academy, or any of it's characters, surprise, surprise. **

* * *

><p>It would be painful.<p>

Two days, a week, at most, and his body would finally shut down, and he would slip into a coma. After that, it was only a matter of time.

On the only, slightly-less-than-down-side, he was allowed to come home until _it _happened.

It was getting close, by the amount of pain he seemed to be in.

Pain pills no longer enough, the poor man was in constant agony, even in his slumber, and it only worsened with each passing day.

It wouldn't be long, now.

~xXx~

I crept, bare-footed, through the halls of the apartment, balancing on the balls of my feet, the slight breeze of the open window chilling my bare legs, cool against my pounding heart. He was always in a sweat, always too warm, so the windows were always open, even though spring had yet to arrive.

I pressed gently, so gently, against the door of his room, letting it swing silently forward.

He was sleeping, though restless; teeth gritted and fists clenched. Body tense, his back was nearly arched off of the mattress.

We had barely spoken to each other since he had been released from the infirmary, in fact, we'd barely said two words to each other. He watched me constantly, as if he didn't trust me, as if what I had gotten Lissa to do had completely lost me any trust he had in me, only looking away when I meet his gaze. He refuses any physical contact, refuses to be near me.

The doctor checks up on him everyday, asking if he's been to the feeders, asking if he woke up every morning. No, to the first, yes, to the second. Dimitri seems to have lost all appetite for blood, though it's taking a terrible toll on his body, just speeding up his body's self-destruction.

I would help him, I vow. I sure as hell wouldn't sit by why he suffered. I had tracked him across the globe, sacrificed everything for him, saved his soul. So why, after everything, would I let something as small as death slow me down? Slow_ us_ down?

Slowly, silently, I closed the door.

~xXx~

This time, there was no need to creep, no need to tiptoe down the hall. There would be no way to hear my footsteps, anyways, not over his screaming.

I dive into his room and am instantly at his side, holding him as tears of anguish run down his face. His eyes are closed, but he somehow senses my presence, and grips onto my forearm, crying out.

"Can I get you anything?" my voice comes out in a rasp. "Water? Your medication?"

He shakes his head, but refuses to release my arm.

"What hurts?"

"Ev...everything. Oh God."

His face is pale, his body screaming out for blood. I'm shaking myself, but for entirely different reasons.

"I can save you," I whisper. "I can, Dimitri, you just have to let me. Please, I can't watch this anymore."

He turns his head away, biting his own lip to keep from crying out. Rejection, once again. I stay for only minutes more, before it becomes too much. I can't force him to feed, I can't demand that he do as I say. But I can't watch him die because of his own stubborness, because of the guilt that consumes him.

"I can't," I murmur, prying my hands from his grasp. "I can't, I can't watch this. If you won't let me help, I won't, but don't ask me to watch this, watch you do this to yourself."

I turn to leave, but am suddenly jerked backwards, spun into Dimitri's side, as his teeth clamp into my wrist, his eyes meeting mine, begging silently for forgiveness.

God, it hurt.

The suprise doesn't give me a chance to prepare, but the lack of endorphins nearly makes me cry out from the pain. There's no buzz, no numb sensation flowing through me. I bite down on my lip, letting Dimitri desperately lap at my thin wrist.

Now, vampires never really take blood from anywhere but the neck. Why? Because it takes forever anywhere else. The blood flow is far too little in such a minor vein. If a vampire takes blood from somewhere with major blood flow, like the neck, well, it'll take a lot less time, and in a place like the Royal Court, with hundreds of vampires who need to get through before their lunch break ends, things need to go as quickly as possible. And from the way Dimitri's teeth are pulling with fury against my skin, my best guess is to say he's not getting it fast enough.

It's like he's dying of thirst, trying to suck water through a straw. Hardly efficient. And all it manages to do is make him frustrated and me extremely uncomfortable.

I lean down beside him, gently, as his eyes follow me, watching me wildly. Slipping beside him, I move against him, careful not to tug too much at my throbbing hand. My first attempt at pulling away makes him grab at me, try to pull me back, makes him growl low in his throat. The second time, his eyes looks apologetic and he pulls away himself, shame in his face.

With a sob, I let him bury his face into my neck, panting heavily. His lips catch my skin, and I can feel his wet tears drip down to my collar bone.

"Don't go," he whispers, and gently presses his teeth into my neck.

It hurts, just as before, but the throb of my pulse and the soreness of my skin can be ignored, right now. Somethings are just so much more important.

Dimitri's feedings ususally go on for five or so minutes, until the taste of blood becomes unbearable for him, but he drinks for ten, than fifteen, than twenty minutes, and he's still sucking hungrily at my neck.

I'll admit, I was easily addicted to the bite before, with Lissa, with Dimitri in Russia. When he was a strigoi, all I could think about was getting high, was letting him feed from me. Now, I didn't mind the lack of endorphins, and actually welcomed the clarity that it provided. No drugs, no addiction. Though painful, I didn't have to worry about craving the bite.

Suddenly, the world blurs, and I feel dizzy, disoriented. He's taking too much.

"Dim..." I murmur, trying to get his attention. "Dimitri. You have... have to stop."

He pulls away almost immediately, his eyes sliding down to avoid my gaze as he self-consciously wipes at his mouth, though no blood smears his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice much less hoarse than it has been for a long time.

"It's alright," I swear, getting off of the bed shakily. "It's fine, really, I understand. I just can't let you take any more right now, okay? Soon. I promise."

He doesn't answer, just digs further into his bed, burying his face into the pillows, his entire body shaking. I know enough not to touch him, not to comfort him. I know enough to realize all of those memories from Russia are flooding back, all that pain.

He needs to be alone.

I let him.

* * *

><p><strong>I updated as soon as I possibly could!<strong>

**Crazy busy, as always, I managed to find the time to write chapters for _both _of my stories! Haha I'll consider that a good day!**

**Thank you for reading, all of you, and a special thanks to those who reviewed. **

**Love always, **

**-PRG**


	14. Chapter 14

I feel the bed shift and dip, hear the springs creak under the unexpected weight, and I know he's here.

Though he, technically, still shares my apartment, I haven't really seen him in at least a month. Well, perhaps that isn't true. I haven't seen him in the light of day for a month, or even talked to him for that matter, either. I see signs of him, of course. The kitchen is always cleaner than I had left it (at least he's eating) and his coat is always gone when I wake in the morning (at least he can move on his own), but he is always gone from the apartment long before I wake up, and back long after I've gone to bed.

It worries me, I suppose. After taking care of him for so long, I suddenly have no idea how his health is, how he's doing, if he's even sick anymore. But, after all, he's the one clearly avoiding me. I refuse to feel guilty about being unable to take care of him. At least, I'm _trying _to refuse to feel guilty.

I've started working for Lissa again, as her head guardian, which eats up an enormous portion of my time. Early hours and late nights, sometimes little to no sleep. But if all my focus is on work, it's not on Dimitri, a place where my thoughts seem to be adament on wandering to.

"Rose," he whispers in my ear, luring me from my rest. "Rose, I'm sorry." I can feel as his hand slips under my neck, rubbing gently with the pad of his thumb. Groggily, I sweep the dark hair to the side, preparing myself for the pain of the bite.

It hurts, just as it always does, and the sharp flash of pain that accompanies it jolts me from my hazy state, lights up my vision with a flare of red, forcing me to be aware of Dimitri leaning over me, feeding from me.

The pain lessens, and I find myself once again drifting off, my eyes fluttering shut.

I'm asleep before his teeth leave my skin.

~xXx~

I climb the stairs to the throne room, taking two at a time. Lissa had called for a meeting for her Guardians, a surprising move, especially since I was her Head Guardian and had no idea what this meeting was even for. She refused to tell me.

Running late as always, I burst through the doors, taking my place beside Lissa, trying to ignore the look of humour she shoots in my direction.

Looking regel as ever, Lissa stands before her team with her perfect posture, warm smile, her golden hair twisted and pinned to her head with silver hairpins. She greets every one grandly, her voice sweet but authoritative.

"Alright," she announced. "Well, I wanted to go over the last few plans before tomorrow evening. We still need to increase our security in the dining hall, as we're understaffed. Some of the most influential minds in our world will be attending, and we need to keep them safe."

Lissa smiles at the crowd, shooting an extra wink at me, giving a slightly disapproving gaze at my inability to show up on time. "Guardian Hathaway?"

"Thirteen graduating students will be arriving by plane from St. Vlad's this afternoon. That should fill up some of our missing time slots for the evening-"

"We're keeping these Moroi safe with _high school students?_" A Guardian pipes up from the back, a look of shock and distaste on his face. Damn. I'll admit, probably not the most preferrable choice, this was a big job for a first assignment, but we didn't have any other choice.

"Well, I know-"

"Actually," Lissa cuts in, giving me her queenly, apologetic look, one that made me immediately snap my jaw shut. "You have a valid point. We can't have high school students alone on a single shift. We need a professional. Someone trained. With experience."

What the hell? "We don't have anyone else, Your Majesty. Not on such short notice. We've stretched the schedule as far as we can. I'm afraid it's not a possibility."

There's something in her eyes, glinting. Worry. She's worried. And she's blocking me from the bond. Damn.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to contact you until now, Guardian Hathaway, but this is a pretty recent hire. I think he'll be great for this, he's a fantastic Guardian."

Now, I'm nervous, extremely nervous.

"And..."

"_Guardian _Belikov?"

Damn.

Damn damn damn.

Dimitri steps into the throne room, rubbing the back of his neck in his typical nervous way. He's thin, always thin, back his skin has turned back to its usual golden hue. Thin, yes, but I can see he's filled out since I've last seen him, some of his old muscle has returned.

He runs his fingers through his dark, lush hair, giving somewhat of a shy half-smile.

There's a buzz that echoes through the room; Dimitri certainly has a reputation. The murmurs cease after a sharp look from Her Majesty herself, and she pulls Dimitri forward, a smile on her face.

"Guardian Belikov will be on the seven o'clock shift on Friday night, and he's doing us a big favour by joining our team on such short notice, so it's with my wish that you help him out whatever way you can. Rose, I'll leave you to fill him in."

And she's gone.

The rest of the Guardians file out, giving one last stare at Dimitri before shuffling out of the room. Dimitri keeps his distance, I have been known to throw a punch or two, his eyes cast downwards, his body tense.

"What..." I stutter, quickly biting my tongue to keep from sounding even more ridiculous. "What... _how?_"

Swallowing, he clears his throat once, twice, before meeting my gaze with a shy look. A guilty look.

"Well, I suppose you have a few questions to ask me," he drawls, his Russian accent thicker than it's been in a long time.

"Yeah," I whisper. "Let's start with a few."


	15. Chapter 15

Questions. So many questions. They swirled in my mind, so many that I couldn't keep them all straight. Where to begin?

"You're looking... better."

Okay, not a question, but at least I was capable of actually making sound, at this point. What the hell was he doing he, in Guardian uniform, no less. The last time I had seen him, he had been rail-thin, pale, trembling constantly, too weak to lift himself from the sofa.

He nods, slowly, his gaze meeting mine for a fraction of a second before he shifts them away. lift himse

"Yeah. I'm... feeling better."

Okay, Rose, keep this professional. Professional. Try not to bring up anything between you. There's _nothing _between you. Right?

"So..."

We both shift awkwardly on our feet, unable to really communicate.

Damn.

"Look, Dimitri, I don't know what the hell is going on, but I'm going to _try _and keep this professional. No questions asked, alright? Let's just put this aside and focus on guarding the gala tomorrow. Deal?"

Dimitri raises a brow, surprised etched onto his once-more strong features. Hesitantly, he takes my hand, giving it a weak shake.

"Deal."

A sudden knock at the door jolts us both of out our intense mood. We both immediately release the other's hand, jumping back when we realize we've been leaning towards each other.

"Guys?" Lissa pops her head into the room, the slightest of frowns on her face at the sign of the distance between Dimitri and I.

"Sorry, I left my folder." She slips passed us, grabbing the leather-bound folder from the marble desk. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

I can see the hope on her face, and I quickly shatter it before it can manifest. "You weren't interrupting anything, _Your Majesty,_" I say. Hey, if we're keeping this professional... "Do you have the schedule for tomorrow night? I'd like to look it over before we get the rest of the guests arriving."

She raises a perfectly-shaped brow, and I mirror her, sort of, trying my best to act as though nothing was wrong.

"Rose-"

"Yes?"

She sighs dramatically and pulls the schedule from her folder, handing it over with a disapproving look.

It looked as though I was on the same shift as Dimitri, of course, as well as a plethora of barely-graduated high-school students. And though Jill usually offered her security services to the team in such events, she was called away by her duties to her socially-demanded husband, Adrian.

"Okay, _Guardian Belikov-_"

"Rose," Lissa warns once more, looking forlorn at my obvious attempts to keep things professional. This was obviously not how she had wanted this reunion to go.

"-you'll be working in the main hall, six o'clock. All guardians meet half-an-hour before the shift starts. Everything else is pretty much to code."

He nods in understanding and takes the schedule from my hands, his eyes flicking over the paper, and while he's occupied, I silently assess him.

While he's still startingly thin for a dhampir, he's definitely filled out in the last few months, his muscles starting to build back up on his frame. His hair once again holds it's old shine, and his eyes are no longer dull. Even his skin looks better, not as transluscently pale as it once one. He looks... healthier.

"So? Do you think you're up for it, _Belikov?_"

He smiles, his lips quirking into the heart-melting half-smirk that I once held so dear.

"Yes Ma'am."

~xXx~

With the amount of times that the Moroi throw parties, you'd think I'd remember how much I hate them. And yet, it astounds me every time.

I'm dressed in my 'dress' Guardian uniform, which is infinitely more uncomfortable than my regular uniform. I make my rounds, checking on the Guardians that are pressed against the walls like flies. Some of the kids begin to sway on their food, and I move to relieve them from their duties before they keel over in the middle of dinner.

Lissa makes her way down the aisle of the dinner party, smiling, looking regel and breathtakingly beautiful. Hard to believe that her and I had once attended the same dances, the same formal events, had spent hours on our hair and cosmetics. I was happy to be on the sidelines, now, happy to give my life to save her, but sometimes, I had to admit, I missed it. Missed being able to be self-absorbed. I missed being able to care about my appearance.

"Guardian Hathaway?"

I spin quickly, turning to meet the sight of one of Lissa's seasoned Guardians.

"The high-schoolers are dropping like flies," she sighs, shaking her cropped silver hair. "They spend twelve years teaching these kids to fight, and somehow forget to tell them that standing for hours with their knees locked will make them lightheaded. We just had another girl faint on the job."

"Faint?" Damn. We were supposed to be invisible; supposed to avoid drawing attention to ourselves. Someone cracking their head against the stone floor might make that difficult. "She didn't get a concussion or anything, did she? Was she taken to the infirmary?"

The older woman, who reminded me greatly of Alberta, shook her head. "No, Guardian Belikov caught her before her knees could hit the ground. Damn, that man's reflexes are quick. You'd think he was still a strigoi."

I internalize a flinch, repressing the urge to rub my neck. Luckily, the bites are hidden behind the high, starched collar of my uniform. Lissa has also been helping me, healing the small punctures.

"Alright. I'll personally take over the girl's shift, we're already losing too many in the dining hall."

She nods and I depart, quickly making my way to the main hall. I quickly see a large gap on the wall where our Guardian has fallen, quite literally. Beside Dimitri.

I slip beside him smoothly, keeping my eyes flickering between the entrances and the guests.

"Heard you made quite the catch," I whisper to him under my breath. "Hope it didn't draw too much attention."

"Barely anyone noticed."

"Great."

Silence.

"How's the party?"

"Dull."

"As always."

We both smirk, our eyes never leaving the room.

The guests laugh loudly, almost all of them drinking quite heavily, their breathtakingly expensive clothing blurring together in a crowd of silk and satin. Lissa is mingling, always a huge hit at these parties. I allow my gaze to flicker to Dimitri for only a moment. He's pale.

"When's the last time you fed?" I whisper, though we're tucked away in the back corner. "You look pale."

He instantly stiffens. "Rose-"

"I know, now's not the time. Can we talk about this later?"

Sighing loudly, Dimitri shifts on his feet, and I can sense his uneasiness. "I don't think that's a good idea, Rose."

_Way to go, Rose. _

I don't say another word.

~xXx~

"So thank you for your assistance, everyone, and have a wonderful night." Lissa smiles. "Well, day, I suppose."

We all chuckle tiredly; it's technically four in the morning for the vampire world, but for humans, the night has yet to start. The party has just ended, and the Queen dismisses us, letting us scatter back towards our apartments. One of the eldest of the Guardians walks beside me, smiling widely.

"You know, I don't believe I've ever had a charge quite like Queen Vasilisa. Thanking her guardians? Unheard of."

I laugh. "The Queen has always been like that. She's always hated the way some of the way the royals treat their guardians. She doesn't take them for granted."

We part ways, and I bid her good night, before I climb up the stairs to my apartment. While I slide my keycard into the door, I can hear Dimitri's footsteps come up behind me.

"Tired?" I ask, though we both know it's a ridiculous question. God, my social skills had flatlined since I had become a guardian.

"Yeah," he replies nevertheless. "Long night."

I pull the key from the door, only to have the light blink red, preventing me from entering my room. I try again. And again. And again.

"Damn it!"

"Would you like help?"

I'm still tense from our earlier confrontation, so I snap at him. "I think I can open a door without help, _Dimitri._"

"Obviously not."

I growl, pushing the card further into the door. The combination of my over-tired mind and the fact that I haven't really eaten in three days (I've had hardly enough time) gave me a sour behaviour, and a _very _short temper, especially when it came to Dimitri.

"Rose?"

"_What?"_

He pauses, exhaling quickly. "This isn't about the door, is it? What is it, Rose? Why are you so angry?"

I spin quickly, eyes blazing. "Angry? Why am I angry? Maybe it's because you've completely disregarded me! Dimitri I'm trying to _help _you! I'm trying to make this easier. I know it's a horrible thing, and I know it brings up horrible memories, but when you completely dimiss me-"

"I'm not _dismissing _you!"

I press my finger into his chest, feeling an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. "Then what _are _you doing? I haven't seen you in months! Sneaking around in the middle of the night! And then you show up, no warning, nothing? For God's sake, Dimitri!"

And suddenly, I'm pressed up against the door, legs taken right off of the ground, Dimitri's lips on mine. I can feel how thin he is when I wrap my arms and legs around him. I dig my fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp. I can feel him slip the card from my hand and press it into the door.

It opens with a click, and we both stagger through the door, me closing the door with the kick of my foot.

* * *

><p><strong>I know what most of you readers are thinking: <strong>

**Who is this person? Why have I never seen this story before?**

**Well, my dear readers, it is because I haven't updated in so long, that I'm sure I am now writing to a whole new, younger generation of fanfiction readers. Terrible, isn't it?**


	16. Chapter 16

My eyes flicker open, only to snap shut again when the sunlight pierces my eyes.

I'm lying in Dimitri's arms on the sofa, my back to his chest, when I awaken. Sunlight streams in from the enormous windows, creeping across the floor towards where we lay, falling across our entangled bodies.

His breath hitches, and I feel his hand slide down my arm and back up again, the pad of his thumb stroking my skin.

"Roza," he murmurs in my ear, brushing a strand of hair off of my forehead. "Good morning." His accent is thick and low, and it sends a shiver down my spine.

Pulling the blanket tight to my chest, I manage to sit up, turning to face him. I know my hair must be wild, my breath must be terrible, but I couldn't care less. I really couldn't.

Not with the way he was looking at me.

"Morning," I whisper, clutching the sheet to my skin. Silly, I know, to be shy at a moment like this, after what we had done last night, or rather, yesterday, but it seemed like a blur. And now, bathed in the morning light, it felt like that memory was worlds away.

Dimitri looked... well, as he has for the past few months. Pale and thin. But, in the last few months, he had been sickeningly thin and so pale he was nearly transluscent. Now, he had gained some of his colour back, and though still thin, he had put on a startling amount of muscle in such a short period of time.

It was early in the morning for humans, or late in the evening for vampires. Thank God I was given the week off.

Dimitri sat up, combing his fingers through my hair, soothing the tangled strands. Straying to my jaw, he cups my face, pressing his lips against my forehead.

"You're looking... a lot better," I comment, biting my lip, my eyes flickering up to meet his gaze. Damn my shyness. "Dimitri, when did this happen? I thought... last time I saw you... Where have you been for the past few weeks?"

He sighs, unconsiously pulling away, his gaze falling to his hands.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation after I disappeared for a month."

"I suppose you do."

He exhales, slowly, stalling. "I suppose I've been trying to rebuild my life, from the ground up. Its about all you can do, I suppose, when you've completely hit rock bottom." He runs his hands through his hair nervously. "The gym all day, mostly, trying to gain some weight, stop looking so much like the living dead. It's over, I hope, this nightmare. I'm getting another chance, and I'm sure as hell not going to waste it."

"And you couldn't tell me?" I murmur, pursing my lips. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He pulls away further, clasping his hands together. "I needed to do this, Rose. I needed to do this by myself. For myself." He sighs again, repeatedly running his hands over his hair. "It was never meant to be a secret, Rose, or something I was keeping or hiding from you. Please understand."

If I was being completely honest, I wasn't really sure how to feel. It wasn't as though he was keeping a terrible secret. He had caused me worry, yes, but it hardly mattered now, right? He was slowly getting better, slowly getting stronger. Slowly healing. It was though all of my prayers had been answered. But here we were, sitting on opposite sides of the sofa, blankets clutched to our chests, trying to think of something to say.

"So," I whisper, "Where do we go from here?"

With a breath of relief, Dimitri leans across the distance, grabbing my hands in his. "I hit rock bottom, Rose, there's only one place to go from here."

~xXx~

"Goodnight, Rose."

"G'night, _Your Majesty._"

She glared at me, a playful spark in her eyes. "Hey, have a good weekend! It's so strange, not seeing you everyday anymore. I miss you!"

I smile. "Just because I resigned as Head Guardian doesn't mean you can't come visit me," I point out with a smirk, already heading for the door. "Dimitri works Saturday, but we're pretty much home all weekend."

"I highly doubt you'd want the interruption."

Laughing, I wave goodbye to my friend, promising her to meet for dinner.

It's a short walk to the apartment, and I can smell dinner from the top of the stairs.

Dimitri is already in the kitchen, and he smiles when I walk in. I can instantly see that he's pale, well, paler than usual. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I press my lips to his.

"How long has it been since you've fed?" I ask, and he shrugs.

"After dinner?"

I nod, taking the mail from the kitchen counter and taking a seat on one of the high stools. Since when had this become such a... _normal _thing? It had happened so fast, so unnoticeable. A year ago, I had been desperate for a 'normal' life, had longed for the average lifestyle I had dismissed as boring before. But now, I was living it, and it had nearly slipped by without my realizing it. But that didn't mean I didn't appreciate it.

Dimitri was well, finally, and was currently employed at the Court, his reputation once again being built up. I had given up my position as Head Guardian and it's grueling schedule, and finally _enjoyed _having time off, as I had someone to spend it with. Whoever said Guardians had to chose between the job and their own life had obviously not been trying hard enough. Or perhaps we were the lucky ones.

Slipping to the refridgerator, I smile at the photo of Adrian and Jill's daughter before pulling out a bottle of water, as well as one for Dimitri.

"Sorry about dinner," he says, pouring the water from the metal pot into the sink. "I know we had pasta last night, but I'm completely exhausted."

"That's because you haven't fed in at least a week," I point out teasingly. "Maybe if you'd take _care _of yourself..."

"_You're _giving _me _a lecture? Did you eat lunch?"

After a extended pause, I stick out my tongue.

"Hmm. Is that a _no_?"

He sets a bowl of pasta in front of me, and I thank him, kicking off my shoes and resting my feet on his lap lazily. "Mmm, thank you."

With a warm smile, Dimitri leans across the table and kisses my temple. "You're welcome, Roza."

Yes. It was so normal. So average. So... boring. And I wouldn't change it for anything.

* * *

><p><strong>Finally! The end! After countless exams, etc, I actually had a whole afternoon to myself. Voila! Hope you enjoyed!<strong>


End file.
